


To Move With Purpose

by missgoalie75



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 07:16:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgoalie75/pseuds/missgoalie75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rory doesn't say no to Jess and they proceed to spend the summer together, traveling from New York City to Venice Beach on an impromptu road trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Move With Purpose

**Author's Note:**

> Full list of characters: Jess/Rory, Paris, Lily, Sasha, Jimmy, Lorelai, Luke, Dean, OCs
> 
> Spoilers/Warnings: AU after 4x21; language, scenes of a sexual nature 
> 
> Disclaimer: Title is from the song by The Naked and Famous.
> 
> A/N: The fact that this took me over a year to write is embarrassing. I have to thank my friends who have been lovely cheerleaders, but I have to particular thank those in the Gilmore Girls fandom (notably M/unpeudeciel and Manu/realchemistry) for really being the most patient and awesome people – you deserve all the good things. Also thanks to Kahlia/firstbreaths for beta-ing this because it was a legit mess (I'm still convinced it is).
> 
> [(tumblr post here!)](http://missgoalie75.tumblr.com/post/75704323224/gilmore-girls-fic-to-move-with-purpose)

_Rory_

'No' is on the tip of her tongue, an automatic response after months of conditioning, of refusing to let him do anything to her again.

But she never had a chance to test her strength in front of him, the air around him like the static of an oncoming storm, eyes raging and they've always scared her a little when they don't make her blood hum under her skin; she's never flushed more than when she's with him.

This isn't right, this is a mistake waiting to happen because they have the worst damn timing out of everyone she knows, they're never in the right states of mind, never on equal ground. He's in a place that she can't, won't, shouldn't touch and yet this can't be worse than what she was doing five minutes before.

There's a familiar feeling consuming her, something that tends to get her in trouble (maybe she should take a hint and stop?), but it always seems to be worth it in the moment:

"Okay."

**

They load his car with the rest of her boxes – it's mostly clothes and notebooks from her classes and her coffeemaker and they don't say a word.

(Maybe he heard her stipulations in between her breathing, things she hasn't even considered yet because he has an eerie knack of doing that.)

She fiddles with her phone in her hands as they speed down the freeway and tries not to think about her mom (her grandparents, her town –).

**

It takes them about two hours to get into New York and somehow she's starving, even though she felt sick to her stomach once they passed Greenwich and the "Welcome to New York" sign on I-95.

They go to a diner that would probably inspire Paris to write a dissertation about the dangers of diners and she almost brings it up to him, but it could be the wrong thing to say.

They order coffee and it's _awful_ , but the burgers are truly inspired; she may leave a note on the bill about it, but she doesn't have a pen on her and borrowing one from Jess will lead to a chick-flick moment of brushing fingertips and flushing all the way down her chest.

"What do you think Paris would do if I sent her a letter with this address claiming shady business?" he asks as he pulls out his wallet and she _laughs_.

**

They stay at a motel for the night because apparently his apartment isn't livable and he doesn't trust his roommates.

Naturally there's one bed and she's read so many articles about bed bugs in these kinds of establishments, but she doesn't say anything.

She wears shorts and a tank top to bed, but she keeps her bra on because it's too low cut and she's pretty sure it's a little see-through in the right lighting. (She already feels vulnerable enough as it is.)

He wears a plain shirt and boxers, a pair she recognizes from a time in Luke's apartment. She accidentally spilt soda on his pants and he changed into a pair of jeans as casual as can be and it felt – not domestic, that reminds her of wearing a peach, wide-hooped dress and trying to impress a sixteen-year-old boy, but intimate. 

Even so, they sleep with their backs against each other and Rory can picture the cinematic, bird's eye view shot as she snorts into the rough pillowcase.

(She thinks he's smiling, but there's no way to tell without being brave.)

**

She wakes up with her forehead against his collarbone, a knee between his, and an arm draped over her waist. She should've figured that they'd gravitate towards each other, it's how it always worked between them.

"I'm sorry," he says, shocking her into a more awakened state. She doesn't say anything, but she moves her arm that's trapped in between their bodies so she can place a tentative hand on his back.

"I can drive you to Connecticut if you want," he adds, his voice still quiet.

She slowly shakes her head. "I'm afraid of what I'll do."

His exhale is a full bodied one and he's so warm, always has been, and she can lose herself in a heartbeat. She can't count the number of times she fell asleep against him while reading or watching a movie. She used to feel so guilty about it, but one time she caught him sleeping as well, so she figured he didn't mind.

"I have to work today – get my paycheck."

"What do you do?"

"Messenger."

"So that's what the beeper's for."

She knows he's rolling his eyes. "No, it's not for drug dealing."

She smiles. "Luke."

"Of course."

She inches a little closer to him and closes her eyes.

**

When he leaves for work she calls her mom, who yells and threatens and Rory wants to explain it, that she's not running away, that she'll be back in time for Yale and there's no way a boy can keep her from that.

She tells her that they're not _doing_ anything, but it's only a half-truth and it's only day one. 

Rory eventually hangs up and leaves the motel with a book in hand, hoping to find Washington Square Park so she can read in peace.

**

She's eating her second pretzel when Jess plops himself down on the grass next to her, sighing and closing his eyes.

"How was work?" she asks, grimacing at how domestic the question is.

He snorts. "Bearable. The quitting made it better."

"You quit?" she asks, surprised.

He opens one eye to look at her. "Yeah. I was always planning to. I've been planning on leaving the city. It's getting expensive to live here."

She swallows, putting down her book. "So…what are you going to do now?"

He shrugs, opening his other eye. "It depends. I was considering on going to Hoboken at the end of next week after I get my last paycheck. But I fucking hate Jersey."

"I've never been," Rory says thoughtfully.

"Consider yourself a lucky individual."

They're quiet for a few minutes. She thinks he dozes for a little and it moves her that he trusts her enough to let her watch out for him.

"It also depends on how long you want to stay with me," he murmurs, eyes still shut.

She bites her bottom lip in thought. "I can't go back right now," she admits, flushing in embarrassment because this shouldn't be hard, not at all: Dean is _married_ , he's _off-limits_ , but why doesn't that seem to _matter_ to her?

"Hey," he says, sitting up and lightly touching her back. "You didn't do anything."

"I've been thinking about it," she says, squeezing her eyes shut.

"He shouldn't have been," he counters sharply.

She nods, taking a deep breath.

He finishes the rest of her pretzel and they don't say a word as they go back to the motel.

**

"We have to leave the motel tomorrow morning," Jess tells her quietly, facing each other as they rest in bed with the covers by their feet, the air humid around them. "I have to go back to where I've been living. Pay my last bit of the rent and take advantage of it while I have it. It's obviously not Park Avenue overlooking Central Park, but."

To her surprise, he flushes in discomfort and her hand twitches to touch his cheek. Instead she nods. "Okay. We can say there. I'll pay too, so."

He looks at her like she's a bit of a revelation and it's so new that her hands tremble as he smiles in disbelief. He rolls to face the other side, grabbing a Walkman, sliding the earphones over his head and she'll try to remember to ask about that another day. At some point she has to stop saving these questions like pennies, but not now; she's still that overwhelmed seventeen-year-old girl whose knees would quake when he kissed her.

**

Jess' apartment is really…something.

There's mold in the cracks and weird stains on the floor and she's pretty sure she saw a pile of clothing _move_ , but she keeps her face neutral as she reluctantly drops her bag of clothes on Jess' mattress.

She sneaks a glance at him, but his jaw is locked as he scans through his belongings with a hardened gaze. Satisfied, he taps her back and leads her out quickly.

"Yes, there was another person in there," he says before she can open her mouth. Then he smirks. "I think his name is Sean."

"You think?"

"He keeps odd hours. I rarely see him. Pretty sure _he's_ an actual drug dealer."

She's trying not to picture a drug bust and getting arrested, which must've registered on her face because his hand is firmer against her back.

**

She calls her mom, but it goes to voicemail.

**

They don't really talk all that much, which is a problem, but it's not a pressing one at the moment. They alternate in getting breakfast for each other in the early hours of the morning and they have dinner together. He works and she explores the city, which becomes more familiar with each day.

Although after not saying a word for two days, Jess comes back from his second job at a local market, holding a copy of _The Fountainhead_ and they talk about it in a McDonalds until two in the morning over burgers and fries.

Something breaks that night because he admits he's kind of glad that he still doesn't like the book since his dad – Jimmy – loves it and Jess didn't like the concept of being so damn similar to a guy he never spent a conscious second with until he was eighteen.

**

The next day she tells him about Yale, how much harder it was than she originally thought. How there were points when she sat in her dorm room on a Friday night, doing homework when she could hear a party happening down the floor and felt too awkward and left out.

He listens without judgment and it's a shame that she somehow forgot about that when she was dating him.

**

He doesn't talk about his time in California all that much, but she gathers it wasn't awful. She catches him sometimes at one in the morning, murmuring into his phone and he's talking too much for it to be Luke, who always goes to sleep before eleven.

"Whom did you speak to last night?" she asks over a quick breakfast of egg sandwiches. He walked fifteen blocks to get them at a Jewish bagel shop and they're delicious.

Maybe in high school she would've been suspicious and petty and jealous, Shane lingering in her subconscious and now it just embarrasses her by how awful she was to her. Now she's just curious and she almost wants to send this person a good food basket because it's so hard to make him talk.

"Lily – she's Jimmy's girlfriend's kid. She's twelve. Reads in wardrobes and I once caught her reading under the sink. Scared the shit out of me."

Rory laughs because it's unexpected and she's picturing a little girl with bug-eyed glasses who hangs on Jess' every word. When she tells him as much, he snorts.

"Nah, she remarkably perceptive." He then asks her what she used to read when she was twelve and even though Jimmy is as avid of a reader as Jess, he handed a copy of _Ham on Rye_ to Lily last August, and from what she can tell, Jess strangely adapts to being a big brother so damn well.

"Besides, she still gasps out of horror if anyone says 'fuck.' There's no way she'll appreciate Bukowski yet," he adds, but she knows better and she pushes back a strand of hair that's already fallen out of its gelled hold.

**

She calls the house again and it goes to voicemail. Her heart jumps to her throat and she hangs up.

(That night she cries into his chest and he's so tense at first, but he's not bad at the comforting thing, in the end.)

**

Four days after Rory said yes, she catches Jess on his phone with Luke and he hands over the phone to her, an eyebrow raised in invitation.

"Hey, Luke," she says.

" _…Hi, Rory_."

It's her mom.

She stares at him with wide eyes and stutters through a greeting, tears blurring her vision because she's so _happy_ , even if her mom still doesn't understand what she's doing, but the universe just rights itself when they stop fighting.

When she hangs up, she still stares at him because _he did this for her_.

(This is the first time she almost kisses him but doesn't.)

**

That night, he takes her out for pizza and to a bookstore in the heart of Brooklyn, showing her his name carved on one of the wooden banisters. She buys her own copy of _A Farewell to Arms_ because Jess' copy is so full of notes that it's hard to distinguish whose words are whose.

**

Two days before they have to leave the apartment, Paris Geller comes storming in at seven in the morning and she spends the first twenty minutes screeching about how Rory can't throw her life away, that Rory's presence at Yale is required if Paris is to get through college because she _needs_ the competition, it's fuel that ignites fire in her system (not that she needs more).

(Even Jess' scary roommate refuses to stop her rampage.)

Jess is gone for most it, having stepped out to get coffee and bagels and when he returns, he slams everyone's coffees on the table, cutting Paris off. "Of course she's not quitting Yale, you psycho. Now shut the fuck _up_. Eat your bagel in peace," he threatens, dropping a bagel onto her lap.

Rory hides her grin as she sips her coffee. "So, Paris, how long do you plan on staying because we're going to have to get you a sleeping bag."

"Oh, there's no way I'm staying in this pigsty. It's worse than I thought. I'll spring for a motel while I'm here."

Rory checks over Paris' shoulder where she dropped her large bag and it looks suspiciously like – 

"Please don't tell me you have a tent stuffed in there," Jess scoffs, eating his bagel like it's a sandwich.

"Well you could have holes in your ceilings and cockroaches – can't be too careful, you know!"

"For fuck's sake."

Rory snorts and tries to figure out places to keep Paris occupied.

**

Paris stays for two days, she and Rory staying in a motel a few blocks away from Jess' apartment. After a night of drinking, Paris admits that she kissed Rory during spring break and Jess laughs so hard he snorts beer up his nose. Rory doesn't think she's ever seen him laugh like that _ever_.

Paris hugs Rory with enough force to probably crack a rib, but her eyes are kind when she pulls away. "I don't understand this at all, but. You seem happier than you did this past year. I always preferred him anyway, despite his Kerouac impressions that give me hives."

Rory shakes his head, smiling. "You know we're not – we haven't –"

Paris rolls her eyes. "For now. Whatever, Gilmore. Just don't get knocked up."

Rory gapes after Paris, who strolls over to Jess, who's lounging on the motel couch, reading. "You," she says, getting his attention.

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Really?"

"Thanks for not being an unbearable prick for most of my visit."

Jess looks straight at Rory with a comedic 'what is _wrong_ with her?' look. 

"Make sure she doesn't get dragged into a back alley and shot up with drugs because that's how drug lords get innocent people hooked."

"I'm pretty sure that's not –" Rory starts, but Jess just nods, mock seriousness etched on his face.

"Don't worry. If she's going to be getting any drugs, I'll get them from my dealer. His stuff is pure," he tells her.

Paris cracks a smile. "Send her back in one piece."

He salutes and goes back to reading, bringing an arm around the back of his head to rest on.

As Rory and Paris are walking out the door, Rory casually touches the hand by his head and he looks up response, giving her a small smile that makes her dizzy the entire walk to the bus stop.

**

Jess moves his stuff out and loads his car. She tries to find the courage to ask _what now_ , but she holds her tongue until she realizes she has to _stop_ doing that if they plan on being better than they were before.

"Do you know where you want to go?" she asks quietly. It's better than keeping her mouth shut.

He slams the trunk shut and she watches the muscles of his back move under his t-shirt. She swallows as he thinks.

"I was thinking of California," he admits.

"Oh," she blurts, surprised.

He straightens himself out and turns to face her, leaning back against the car. "I can drop you home if you want."

She runs a hand through her short hair, sighing in thought. She almost asks if she can call her mom, but she already knows what she'd say: how crazy it is, that she shouldn't do it, and Rory realizes she wants to make this decision on her own.

"I didn't think you wanted to go back to California," she says to help her think.

He shrugs. "I wouldn't mind seeing Lily. Besides, it's not a bad place to regroup."

She bites her bottom lip. "What route are you taking?"

"Well," he drawls, smirking. "I did Kerouac's trip passing through Iowa and Chicago, so I thought of going to California the way he came home."

"So that's…what? Going through St. Louis and Arizona?"

"Yeah. Maybe stop by Memphis."

"Memphis?"

"Music capital for some of the greats. Although I don't know how much southern culture will agree with me."

She smiles at the thought and she wants to be there to experience it with him.

"If you want to think about it –" he starts, but at the same time, she says, "I'll go."

He pauses, narrowing his eyes. "You'll go," he repeats.

She nods. "I'll go."

**

_Jess_

"You have a CD player."

Jess stares at her confused expression. "Yes."

"Has it always been there?"

"Yes, it was in the car when – how did you not notice it?"

She flushes and shrugs. "I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings when I was last in here."

He can see her falling into herself, so he says, "I have a box of CDs in the back, pick something out."

She undoes her seatbelt and stretches herself through the space between their seats. He tries not to stare at the pale skin of her exposed back. 

After a minute he shakes his head, laughing under his breath. "I have excellent taste in music, it's not like I'm going to throw you out of the car if you pick a certain album."

Finally, she picks on out and tells him, "Close your eyes!"

He rolls his eyes, but does so anyway. He feels her smooth, hot hand cover his eyes to make sure he's not peaking; she knows him well.

He hears her the CD player turn on and the first few notes of the band playing make him laugh out loud. "Seriously?"

_Roll up, roll up for the magical mystery tour…_

__"Have you seen the film?" she asks, an amused glint in her eye.

"Oh, you mean that self indulgent piece of shit?"

Her jaw drops. " _Really_ , I thought you would've liked it for the _inner message_ or something."

He snorts. "The pretentiousness outshines any _inner message_." He pulls the car out of the parking lot and they drive out of the city.

**

They go through _Magical Mystery Tour_ within the first hour, although he skips "Blue Jay Way" because it reminds him of a disturbing mental image he had when he was ten: his mom waiting out on a dark Brooklyn street for her drug dealer to come around ( _please don't be long, please don't you be very long_ ).

After that he gets a phone call from Liz as they leave New Jersey behind ("Thank _god_ , Jess mutters). He doesn't exactly pay attention to everything she babbles about – it's been long engraved in his habits to tune her out – but he gets that she and her _hubby_ (Jess fake-vomits here) are in Pennsylvania around Allentown for a Renaissance fair and since he's still in the city…

"Hold on a second," Jess says, playing the speaker against his thigh and glancing at Rory. "How do you feel about stopping by a Renaissance fair while we're in Allentown?"

She grins. "I've always wanted to go to one of those. I want to get something that screams Renaissance."

"I'll find a nice doll for you."

"No, don't you dare!"

"I'll get a few so they can stare at you during the night."

"Stop!"

He grins, bringing the phone back up to his ear. "Sure. We'll be there in an hour or so."

" _Oh really? Yay! That's so_ –"

He hangs up, dropping the phone back in the cup holder.

**

They're in the middle of "Sad But True" when he parks the car and it's a pretty bad warning in his books, but he ignores it and heads over to where the stands and tents are.

( _I'm your hate when you want love – pay, pay the price, pay for nothing's fair –_ )

It's the weirdest fucking thing he's ever seen, Liz's wedding not nearly preparing him enough for the clothes and the stupid way people are speaking. In fact, he spots a _centaur_ , which makes Rory laugh for a good five minutes.

They find Liz and TJ at a small booth that a lot of people are crowding around. Liz is wearing a costume, but at least her chest isn't spilling out from the top. TJ seems to have really enjoyed wearing tights because he's wearing a pair right now with his equally ridiculous costume.

When they get close enough, Rory says, "Your mom is really talented," as she admires the earrings on display.

He doesn't say anything in response.

Liz finally catches sight of them and squeals, making him wince. "Jess!" She goes around her booth to bring him into a hug that gets uncomfortable within a second and he has to peel her off him. "How's my boy?"

"Fine."

She brings her hands to his cheeks and he blinks, almost cringing, but her hands are gentle, just like the last time she did this and he won't be used to it, ever. Finally her gaze moves to Rory, who's standing by watching them with curiosity that he _hates_ being directed towards him.

"You're Lorelai's kid, right? Rory?" Liz asks and thank _god_ she didn't mention being his girlfriend.

Rory nods, smiling as sweet as always. "Yeah, I'm Rory. Nice to officially meet you…" she trails off and Rory is really too polite.

Liz waves a hand and laughs. "Just call me Liz. Hell, even Jess calls me that."

Rory glances at him and maybe she finds it weird or hard to understand, but she at least respects it.

"Want me to show you around? Let me show you around. TJ! Man the booth for me."

"Sure thing, sweetheart."

Liz beams and takes Rory's arm as they lead the way, Jess gratefully trailing behind them. Just as he's about to pull out his book when Rory turns around and shoots him a withering stare, holding out her free hand without saying a word.

He gives a long-suffering sigh and takes her hand.

**

The only good thing about the Renaissance fair is the quiche, which surprised Rory since he usually goes for simpler food, but he has a taste for some snotty meals. He skips out on everything else, even though Rory tries to convince him to try a crepe, but what's the point of that? Might as well have a pancake.

She and Liz are drizzling honey and powdered sugar onto their crepes and Jess has pulled out his book to read for a brief period. Liz is telling Rory how she and TJ met and Rory is such a saint for being able to listen to Liz for so long and still be civil.

"Really, though, TJ is so good to me. He helped me get clean, you know. Gave me a real purpose when nothing ever stuck."

A sharp pain cuts through him and he's so used to it, but judging by Rory's expression, she really had no idea Liz was capable of something so offhandedly cruel.

He slowly closes his book and stares at Rory, her lips slightly parted in surprise and her eyes are filled with nothing but hurt, but Liz doesn't notice – she's already gone back to rolling her crepe.

A tear rolls down Rory's cheek and she quickly wipes it away. 

"Hey, Liz," Jess says, pocketing his book. "We have to get on the road."

"What? Are you sure?" Liz pouts. "You can stay for dinner!"

"We're heading for California, so."

Her mouth thins in understanding. "Okay, well. Keep in touch along with the way. When you can."

He nods and turns to leave, Rory following quickly behind, trying to hide her tears but failing.

**

He turns off Metallica and they sit in the car with the engine off at first. Her eyes are glassy and he tries not to look at her.

"Whatever you want to say, say it now," he says, gripping the bottom of the steering wheel tightly.

She inhales shakily, looking up at the roof of the car. And when he thinks she's not going to bother since she's never pushed him when it comes to things like this, she says with a cracked voice, "You should've been enough."

His throat tightens and he bites the inside of his cheek, starts his car and gets back on the road.

Except he doesn't continue to Harrisburg – he goes south and follows the signs to Philadelphia because he wants to be in some sort of city right now, refusing to turn tail and run back where it all started in the first place, where Liz was drunk and high and at the whims of her boyfriends and yelling at him at three in the morning about how he ruined her life.

They make it into Philadelphia in an hour and it's certainly not a bad city, from what he can tell by driving. He can tell it's poorer and therefore it's a lot cheaper than New York, but the college students walking around give it life.

He finds a spot to park by a cheap hostel and he gets a room for two nights. Once they drop their stuff off, they find a diner and share a plate of fries. She still won't look at him and he wonders if it's for her benefit or for his.

**

They walk back to the hostel and he tells her that he's going to walk around, to not wait up, he needs to think, and she doesn't do anything to stop him.

He spends hours walking. He gets lost a few times around South Philadelphia, but he admires the murals on the grittiest streets. Eventually he figures out the transportation system (which is way more complicated than the MTA New York City Transit) and hops on a bus to the Center City, which is laid out like a grid between the Schuylkill and Delaware Rivers. It vaguely reminds him of Chicago and a little of New York, but he admires the city's own character. 

He stops in Rittenhouse Square and picks a bench to read on with the closest street lamp. He doesn't like it nearly enough as he likes Washington Square Park, but it's not bad. Besides, he's pretty sure this city has quite a number of parks and squares scattered around and he finds himself wanting time to figure it out.

Maybe it's something to come back to on another day.

**

He comes back to the hostel at five in the morning and even though he's quiet, he hears Rory quietly call out his name, eyes still shut.

"Sorry I'm late, just. Go back to sleep, we'll talk later."

She hums in agreement and falls back asleep and he ends up rummaging through his bag for a red notebook and pencil.

**

He feels her eyes on him at nine in the morning when the sun is shining through the window. She doesn't say anything and he continues to write, filling line after line and page after page and he hasn't stopped because this feels so much better than that first hit of a cigarette and stealing a gnome and even kissing the girl he really, truly liked for the first time.

Eventually he looks up directly into her eyes and she smiles, blushing but not looking away. Her eyes are red from crying.

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice quiet and rough and maybe she was doing more than crying last night (he knows what it's like to scream).

"For what?"

She stares at him for a few seconds, probably taking in how shitty he looks before she answers, "For not saying anything."

He inhales sharply, but he doesn't feel that familiar itch to run. "I'm sorry I ran."

Her forgiving smile lets him know it's all encompassing.

**

He takes a quick shower and they go out to explore the city, just another one to lead her by the hand in, although most of the time they're exploring with the same amount of wide-eyed freshness that only comes with visiting a brand new city.

Rory buys a postcard with a Philly cheesesteak on it because obviously Lorelai wouldn't care about anything else (although they really are worth bragging about because they're really fucking good). 

He drinks coffee throughout the day, giving her a run for her money, but after dinner collapses onto the motel bed and she climbs in with him with a book in her hand. Even though he wants her to quit running a hand through his hair, he can't muster up the energy to stop because it feels so nice.

Just as he's about to fall asleep, she asks, "What were you writing this morning?"

He forces his eyes open, wincing at the light coming from the lamp by her side of the bed as he looks up at her. "I'll let you know when I figure it out," he mumbles before shutting his eyes and passing out.

**

They drive about a hundred miles west to Harrisburg where Kerouac slept on a railroad station bench. She really couldn't care less, but he wants to see the city streets that inspired, _Isn't it true that you start your life a sweet child believing in everything under your father's roof? Then comes the day of the Laodiceans, when you know you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, and with the visage of a gruesome grieving ghost you go shuddering through nightmare life._

 __They go to the railroad station and they sit on a bench for a few minutes even though obviously Kerouac's bench is long gone, but Rory seems to appreciate the sentimentality of the gesture as they sit in silence.

It's not as shitty of a city as Kerouac claimed it to be, although it could've been the fact that he was starving when he was passing by. After a few hours of walking around, they get gas and Rory buys a pair of fake Wayfarers for herself and for him.

"You always glare when we drive it's not good for your eyes," she tells him, trying to put the sunglasses on his head, but he ducks her advances. 

"I'm not wearing them."

"Why, afraid that you'll be indistinguishable from James Dean? People will stop you on the street and say: I thought you were dead! Kill the zombie!"

He shakes his head and laughs, plucking the sunglasses from her hand. "How do you feel about driving for a bit?"

Her grin really shouldn't make his heart still stutter at this point.

**

The ride to Pittsburgh is a straightforward, two hundred mile drive on I-76 West for the most part and Rory demands to play the most 'road trip like songs he has in his collection,' which just ends up being songs she sings the loudest to like "Born to Run" and Queen and "Stairway to Heaven," which they don't look at each other during because that's the song they were listening to when he almost made her come for the first time.

By the time they make it to Pittsburgh, it's past dinner time and they pull over to the side of the road so they can switch seats since she refuses to drive in a city, scared and uncomfortable by the aggressiveness of it all.

Later that night they go to see _Kill Bill: Volume 2_ in theaters and Rory doesn't stop going on about how the Bride is reduced to the 'mama bear archetype' and it's such a disservice to her character and he considers kissing her to quiet her like he used to, but he settles with taking her hand as they walk down the street back to their hostel.

**

Pittsburgh reminds him of Converse All-Stars: it's comfortable, functional, casual, cheap, possessing a simplicity that isn't embraced by everyone, but it's been around the block a few times.

Rory in particular really likes it, so they stay for about a week or so, taking their time in seeing the sites. She takes his hand and they go to Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens, where they read for a while, and then to the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. At one point they separate because she wants to go to more museums and he would rather pick a park to read in for a while.

She always ends up joining him at the end of the day to doze. And they always end their nights with pierogi because they found this one place that's more of a hole in the wall owned by an extremely large Polish family and the food is amazing. 

At the end of their week, she sends a postcard to Lorelai of the oldest steel bridge, which he doesn't get why, but it wouldn't be the first time not understanding the Gilmores.

The night before they leave he calls Luke to let them know and Luke says, " _I don't get what the hell you're doing, but from what Lorelai tells me, Rory seems really happy, so. And you are too, right?_ "

"Yeah," he says without a thought. "I am."

**

He drives from Pittsburgh to Columbus in less than three hours since there isn't any traffic on I-70 West.

It's stupidly cheap in comparison to New York and even Philadelphia, so they splurge a little and stay in an actual hotel with a functional TV and a mini-fridge that stocked with water, beer, and chips.

They go to the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, which is actually north of Columbus in Powell, and it's really huge. They spend most of their time in the North America exhibit wondering why the hell a zoo would have an 18-hole golf course.

That takes most of the day and they pick up McDonalds on the way back to the hotel. Afterwards Rory surprisingly falls asleep while watching a show at eight and he tries to write, but he can't find that inspiration he found in Philadelphia, so he reads Ayn Rand into the early hours of the morning.

**

He wakes up at five in the morning to Rory tossing and turning, arms circled around her stomach with pain etched on her face.

"Rory, what's wrong?" he murmurs, brushing a strand of hair off her face.

"What do you _think_ , Jess," she grits out, groaning and trying to curl herself into a tighter ball.

He grimaces in understanding and asks, "Do you have any painkillers?"

"No," she answers bitterly. "It's been fine these past few months."

"Okay. I'll be back." He gets up and searches for a pair of clean of pants. He really needs to find a Laundromat today.

Turns out nothing is open for another hour, so he just goes into the nearest diner and finds the crankiest waitress to ask if she has any painkillers she's willing to give up for his suffering girlfriend (it feels weirdly natural calling her that again). She ends up giving him a handful and a free coffee and muffin since apparently what he's doing is incredibly sweet and sensitive and so many other fucking things he tunes out because he's hardly any of those things.

He goes back to the hotel and hands her three pills and a glass of water.

"I only take two –"

"Just take three. It won't kill you."

She glares at him, but takes them anyway. After ten minutes or so, her muscles begin to relax and she breathes more easily.

"Do you want me to get you…?" he trails off, uncomfortable, but he's made trips to buy _pads_ and _tampons_ since he was not quite old enough to walk to the drug store for Liz.

"No thanks," she mumbles before falling asleep.

**

He leaves the hotel for a couple of hours to do his laundry, which takes him two hours to do and he sneaks it back to the hotel without waking her, and the rest of the time is spent walking around and reading. Columbus isn't the most stimulating city in the world, but it has the essentials, like bookstores, which he spends most of his time in until lunch, when he picks up a large coffee and a bagel for her.

When he comes back to the hotel, Rory is up and watching TV, a miserable expression on her face.

"Hey," he says, placing everything on the nightstand for her. "I don't know if you wanted –"

"You know, it's kind of ironic how you're a much better boyfriend _now_ than you were when you were _actually_ my boyfriend," she interrupts him as she changes the channel. 

He scrapes his bottom lip with his teeth, unable to disagree with her. "I tried," he tells her in a low voice and he _never_ admits to trying for anything, so when she snorts, it makes him clench his jaw in embarrassment.

"Yeah, well."

It was bound to happen sooner or later, he supposes, but he'd rather have a conversation with her about it instead of wherever this was inevitably going to go.

But she surprises him when her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip to hold back sobs. "Do you know how many nights I spent _crying_ over you when I was in Europe that summer? _Weeks_. I couldn't go a night without crying all throughout June. I just." She shakes her head. "I _hated_ you for what you did and yet I couldn't stop worrying about you." Her voice cracks and she brings a hand to her cheek to stop her tears.

He inhales deeply, trying not to draw his hands into fists. "Why?" he retorts, eyes narrowing, "Because you _think_ you _may_ have loved me?"

"Oh, like _your_ timing was oh-so appropriate," Rory snaps. "You dropped it on me like a bomb and you _ran away. Again_."

"I can't have this conversation with you," Jess says, shaking his head and picking up the hotel key where he left it on the nightstand.

"Oh, because I'm _riddled_ with hormones? I'm not _rational_ enough for you?" she shrills and granted, that really doesn't help her case. "And you run away yet again, _what a surprise._ Actually, I'm surprised you haven't gone on without me and left me stranded –"

"If you think I'd do that to you then you really aren't rational," he hisses. "I'm going to Cleveland for the day. It's two hours away. My phone is on. I will be back after dinner, I _promise_ ," he continues, stressing on _promise_ , it's word he hates that's always brought him disappointment and so he's always used that word sparingly.

She turns away from him with a glare and he leaves her alone.

**

Jess likes Cleveland a lot more than Columbus. Even though it's definitely sports-crazed, which he can do without, it's eclectic and the people are really friendly, which creeps him out at first, but it's not an awful thing.

He gets a corned beef sandwich from a deli because the guy working there figured out he was a visitor and wouldn't shut up about them and for good reason; it was a good sandwich. 

The deli guy also tells him to go to Mentor, right on Lake Erie, and Elyria, which apparently has a gorgeous park. He drives a half hour east to Mentor and admires the sundown on Lake Erie, his fingers twitching for a pencil to write.

He ends up writing on the back of receipts in his pockets and the inside cover of his copy of _Ham on Rye_.

**

He arrives back in Columbus at about nine and he tosses her a corned beef sandwich. "I don't know if you like corned beef, but it's really fucking good."

She opens up the paper wrapping and takes half the sandwich out and takes a bite. After a few seconds of chewing, she nods. "It is really fucking good."

He smiles at her cursing and takes a seat on the chair in the corner that looks comfortable, but really isn't.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I mean, you should know all that, but. I kind of just attacked you."

He shakes his head and rests it back so he stares up at the ceiling. "It's true. I just…I'm _self destructive_ ," he quotes Luke with a humorless smirk. "Never liked the idea of having you be collateral damage." He's tempted to go into the mini fridge and steal beer, but he'd rather not have to deal with restocking it before the hotel finds out.

"I could've helped. I _tried_ to help," she insists quietly.

He smiles at the ceiling before looking at her. "I know, but you couldn't," he tells her as gently as he can. 

"You could've handled it all better."

"I know."

She shifts under the blankets. "I'm sorry about how I treated you," she says slowly. "With comparing you to Dean. That wasn't fair of me."

"No it wasn't," he agrees.

"I chose you a while ago, before I was willing to admit it."

"Would've been nice to hear a time or two," he admits and he _never_ admits to needing anything.

"Okay, so we both…fucked up a bit."

He laughs and tries to mask it as a cough.

"I'm capable of swearing, you know!" she says, huffing.

"It's not natural at all," he says, trying not to laugh again.

"I'm sure by the time we reach California I'll be a natural."

He shakes his head and grins. "Okay. We'll see."

Her face becomes serious. "You know I didn't mean what I said – I know you wouldn't leave me."

He nods. "Okay."

"I'm serious."

"I hope so."

She stares at him for a few seconds before patting the space next to her. "Come here."

He stands up. "We're not _cuddling_."

"Of course not," she says, face blank and he doesn't believe her for a second, but he toes off his shoes and climbs into bed with her. She immediately slides into his open arms and she rests her head against his chest. "Tell me about Cleveland."

**

_Rory_

They check out of the hotel in Columbus because Rory doesn't want to go back to that damn room again, and they drive to Elyria. They spend the day in Cascade Park, which is a gorgeous park where the Black River runs through the center. They find a spot to sit where they can see a small waterfall and read for most of the day. She rests her head on his lower back and he's propped up on his elbows, twirling a pencil in hand and she distracts herself by watching the tendons in his hands shift and move under his tanning skin.

At one point she separates from him to call her mom, updating her on how she is.

"We've started talking," Rory tells her. "I mean…really talking."

" _Well…better late than never?_ " her mom jokes, but it falls flat because she still doesn't like this at all.

Rory nods. "Yeah. I did things wrong too. It wasn't all his fault. We were never going to be okay unless we both took the blame."

Her mom doesn't seem to quite believe her.

**

After their day in Elryia, they drive almost four hours to Cincinnati, which Kerouac didn't technically pass, but Rory read about the architecture of the city in her US History class in her first year at Chilton and always wanted to see it.

Jess agrees just because the Isley Brothers got their start there and _National Lampoon's Animal House_ is probably in his top five favorite movies.

**

They stay for a few days, about as long as it takes for them to muster up the courage to try 'Cincinnati chili,' which is apparently a signature dish. Rory laughs at Jess' disgusted face when it's placed in front of them and the waiter judges him without holding back.

They both take a bite at the same time and Jess is clearly contemplating on spitting his mouthful out in a napkin, but she finds it weird enough to be good.

"I think I may ditch you and meet you back at the hostel," Jess says in a pained voice, finishing off his soda to get rid of the taste in his mouth. "I can't watch you eat this."

"You can't _ditch_ me," she says, scandalized.

"It looks like I'm starving myself on a date."

She rolls her eyes. "Well at least we'd be defying gender stereotypes and bringing attention to the fact that men can have anorexia also and it's not solely a women's problem?"

"Not really a good way to advertise that."

She sighs and drops her fork. "Fair enough. Is it really that nauseating for you?"

He stares at her plate with a barely concealed grimace. "I can read."

"Fine."

She eats as quickly as she can because she can see him turning paler with every passing minute and she pities him and tells him to wait for him outside while she pays the bill.

It's too bad that at three in the morning she wakes up with food poisoning and Jess holds back her short hair as he rests his forehead on her upper back, trying not to fall asleep.

"Don't. Say. A. Word," Rory croaks after she flushes the toilet.

He shakes his head against her back and they end up sleeping on the bathroom floor together, stiff and uncomfortable and that part about thinking about maybe being in love with him changes a little.

**

Once Rory has recovered from food poisoning, they leave Cincinnati and travel northwest to Indianapolis to get back on track.

"Sorry we can't _neck_ our way to Indianapolis," she jokes and promptly turns red.

Jess laughs for about a minute. "I see you've been re-reading."

"I can always buy you meals in exchange for long stories," she answers.

She can feel him staring at her profile and she wants to meet his gaze, but she grips the wheel tighter and forces herself to breathe evenly.

**

True to her word, she pays for their meals and that night, he tells her about getting a phone call in Luke's apartment at three in the morning, that balmy September night after the failed dinner at her house. He was already awake, smoking a cigarette out of the window and looking down at the deserted street, trying to pretend he was looking down at Avenue A and the ring was a shrill in the apartment. It didn't wake Luke out of his slumber, the snoring almost comforting.

It was Liz and she was too high and drunk and wired and worse than usual. She said the same old, that he ruined her life and drove Jimmy away. How if she only had enough money, she would've gotten that abortion without a guilty conscience.

(Jess fiddles with the blanket under them because he gave up smoking somewhere between Philly and Pittsburgh, the light blue BIC lighter stuffed in his jean jacket across the room.)

After he hung up on Liz, he pulled out her copy of _Howl_ that he swiped and wrote in the margins. He tells her about how he already knew her favorite poems – "A Supermarket in California" and "Sunflower Sutra" – he could tell when he first skimmed through her copy, the bindings immediately and naturally gave way to those pages, inadvertent bookmarks. He read and wrote until Luke woke up a few hours later and he thinks that maybe that was the beginning of it all, that taste of calm that lets him breathe and not feel like he's on the edge of exploding out of his skin.

She doesn't realize she's crying until she feels a teardrop on her clenched hands.

She almost kisses him that night, settling with doing away with pretenses and falling asleep with her forehead against his collarbone, inhaling the detergent and smoke that doesn't really fade with washing and her arms tight around him.

**

A June heat wave comes the next morning and it's _sweltering_ outside.

"One thing to look forward to is the dry heat of California," Jess says, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. "This is awful."

They only walk for an hour before holing themselves in a bookstore for the rest of the day to cool off.

"I feel like this is a waste," Rory says at the end of the day, walking back to the hostel.

"Sorry, I'd rather not die of heat stroke. At least the sales tax is low," Jess says, lifting his bag of books.

"It's more expensive than Connecticut's," she grumbles.

"Cheaper than New York's."

"True."

"I almost miss that."

"What?"

"Connecticut's sales tax."

"Nothing else?"

He smirks a little. "That bridge too."

Rory smiles and walks close enough for him to wrap an arm around her waist.

**

(That night she's so tempted to bring a hand to his cheek, tilt his head toward her and kiss him because ever since she made that joke she can't stop thinking about it.)

**

The drive to St. Louis is a long one, going over four hours due to an accident on I-70 that has them sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic for a half hour.

She thinks the Gateway Arch looks pretty awesome standing tall, proud, and bright in the June sun and she had no idea that the Mississippi River is actually brown, which is kind of gross.

They stay in what the locals call The Hill, an Italian-American neighborhood that suddenly reminds her of those days in Rome last summer when every time she'd see a guy with dark hair in the corner of her eye, her heart would jump to her throat and she'd stupidly think it was Jess.

(She tells him after a glass too many of wine that the owner of this restaurant is secretly giving her and he admits to doing the same in every place he went, the worst being in New York.)

**

In Rory's opinion, toasted ravioli are a million times better than mozzarella sticks, without a doubt.

**

Memphis is a four-hour drive that they split in half. They stop on the border of Arkansas and Jess really sticks out like a sore thumb the further south they go, especially in these small towns that clearly set him on edge.

"Maybe Lane was onto something, maybe you are agoraphobic in the sense that you're afraid of wide-open spaces. It makes sense," Rory says.

"I don't _have_ any phobias," Jess retorts but as soon as Rory finishes eating he all but runs back to the car to drive.

(She thinks "Howl" says something about Arkansas and Jess quips with _who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the scholars of war_ and goes on to talk about Ginsberg hallucinating William Blake reading some of his poems and how his drug experimentation was all about trying to recapture the feeling; Rory hates the anxiety that always hits her when she considers Jess as a Beat born generations too late and fears the possible oncoming tragedy that hits them too young.)

**

They listen to some Johnny Cash and Elvis and Otis Redding on the last leg of their journey to get themselves in the mood. "Honky Tonk Women" is the last song playing before he parks the car by the cheapest hostel he can find.

It's so _hot_ in Memphis, but they plan to stay a week, give or take a few days. The first place they go to is Graceland and she buys a postcard of the estate to send to her mom and a disposable camera to take pictures for proof (but she finds out flash photography isn't allowed).

(She sneaks a picture of Jess in the meditation garden, standing dark and contemplative in the bright sun as he looks down at Elvis' grave.)

**

Jess buys some more Muddy Waters albums and starts listening to Big Star more often and Rory buys a pair of cowboy boots to fit in. She also buys Jess a cowboy hat, but he threatens to flush it down the toilet if she tries to put it on him, so she takes it for herself.

They visit the National Civil Rights Museum and the Peabody Hotel and watch the ducks trek into the hotel's lobby. Jess thinks it's the most absurd thing in the world, but she catches him trying to hold back a laugh as they waddle down the red carpet.

Their nights are spent on Beale Street going to different blues clubs and restaurants. Rory grows to appreciate the blues more; the city's intense love and admiration of its history making it come alive.

In the early hours of the morning, they walk past the Beale Street Baptist Church, which she read was a congregation of freed slaves, and Jess stops to admire it a little. She first wonders if he's drunker than he let on, or if there's something deeper involved.

"Are you a Christian?" she asks, curious since so much of his past remains a mystery and she wonders if maybe he sought sanctuary in a church when he was young.

His grin is wide and only possible because of the alcohol and he responds with, " _Ma'am, I am tonight._ "

It takes her a few seconds to get the reference and she laughs all the way back to the hostel.

**

After eight days in Memphis, they head to Dalhart, Texas, except that's almost a twelve-hour drive. So they drive almost seven hours to Oklahoma City at Jess' insistence since he doesn't want to stop in Arkansas, but she forces them to stop in Little Rock two hours into the drive and visit Little Rock Central High School.

"We're passing by anyway," she tells him as he grumbles, but gets off the exit all the same.

But he gets back at her two and a half hours later by stopping in Sallisaw, Oklahoma because the Joad family from _The Grapes of Wrath_ were sharecroppers there.

**

They arrive in Oklahoma City, starving, and receive two offers of buying crack cocaine within the first half hour.

"Do I look like the kind of person who'd do crack cocaine?" Rory says, insulted.

"No, you'd definitely snort and use the euphemism of 'powdering your nose' at dinner parties," Jess counters and she punches his arm.

**

They only stay in the city for two days to regroup from driving. But once they've realized going to Dalhart is pretty out of the way and with Jess' rereading of _On the Road_ , it only being a passing town, they decide to stay on I-40 West and stop in Amarillo, Texas for the night.

After that, they drive four hours to Santa Fe, going to the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum and other art galleries, most of them located on Canyon Road. Jess mentions something about Cormac McCarthy living here and she's pretty sure D. H. Lawrence was from Santa Fe, so she hopes maybe their success in writing will seep up from the red dust trails and into his skin.

They stay there for two days before traveling south an hour to Albuquerque and the only thing she knows about this city is the hot hair balloon festival, but that's apparently in October. 

They stay for four days and feel like lazy jerks most of the time, unable to believe the number of _active_ people. One day at Roosevelt Park they stay for an hour before leaving because they swear they can feel people judging them for not running or biking.

They go to Old Town and walk down winding brick paths lined with quaint shops, old churches, and piazzas, saturated with Indian and Spanish cultures. At one point he finally puts on the cheap Wayfarers she bought him and she hates to admit that he looks cool.

She buys two beaded bracelets from an elderly woman in a boutique, one for her and one for her mom, and the old lady's husband and Jess share a cigar in the back and he doesn't tell her what they talked about, but he stuffs a bottle of tequila into her purse.

**

They go to Roosevelt Park at sunset and drink the tequila straight out the bottle. It's the most dangerous, reckless thing she's done and she feels daring, the alcohol buzzing in her head like a catchy song.

After watching him take a drink, watching his Adam's apple move, she covers his hand on the neck of the bottle and pulls him in, kissing him wet and deep, her tongue tasting the tequila, somehow sweeter on his tongue, and the way he groans against her mouth causes her breath to hitch, to whine as she moves her other hand to curl into his hair and bring him even closer.

Eventually he pulls back, out of breath, and he asks, "Is this just the tequila?"

She shakes her head and kisses him again.

**

They don't get back to the motel until the early hours of the morning when Jess is sober enough to drive the car. He leads her up the stairs and wakes her up enough to change and brush her teeth because he knows her well enough that she'd regret it in the morning. She considers telling him that she loves him, but she'd rather do it sober and not falling asleep on her feet.

**

She wakes up to his staring at her with a pensive expression and she shifts forward so their foreheads are resting against each other's.

"Morning breath," he points out, voice soft and eyes bright and she kisses him chastely, careful to keep her mouth closed.

When their lips part with a soft sound, he exhales, no doubt wanting to her what this means, what they're doing, and she doesn't really know, but she'd rather go along and figure it out later, which is probably a horrible idea.

He seems to read her mind because he briefly kisses her forehead and gets out of bed to shower and get ready.

**

Flagstaff, Arizona is the last place in their pseudo-Kerouac trip before they enter California, which is over four hours away. Even though the dry heat is inescapable due to the lack of AC in his car, he holds her hand for a few minutes every once in a while, making her smile.

**

(They shamelessly spend their short stay in Flagstaff in the motel room, making out.)

**

There's a brief consideration of going to Las Vegas, but Jess has been there and it's not remarkable, at least if you're under twenty-one and don't have a fake ID.

"You have one?" Rory asks, even though she feels stupid afterward because of course he would have one.

He smirks and doesn't say anything, but when she goes into his wallet to pay for gas, she finds his fake ID, which doesn't look too old and he's taken Luke's birthday for his own, which she finds rather sweet.

**

They drive three hours and stop in Needles, which is on the border of Arizona and California. Jess just wants to stop there because the Joad family stops here when they first enter California on Route 66. He clearly tries not to grin as they see Carty's Camp, or the remains of it behind the 66 Motel.

The problem is the heat, given that it's located in the Mojave Desert, temperatures always in the low hundreds. Rory reapplies sun lotion every hour and always forces some on Jess, who eventually stops complaining about it when he burns the back of his neck.

Despite the weather, it's quite a beautiful area; she considers as they stand by the Colorado River bend, the horizon riddled with mountains.

**

After Rory has brushed her teeth a second time and Jess has caught his breath, shuddering through aftershocks, he pulls her close to him and murmurs, "Do you want to do the final leg tomorrow?"

"Sure," Rory answers, yawning. 

His hand moves from her waist to the front of her pajama bottoms, resting on the sliver of skin exposed from her shirt riding up.

"You don't have –" she starts, but he leans forward and kisses her to shut her up.

**

They leave Needles at around nine and drive straight to Venice in over four hours. Jess puts on the Grateful Dead, but there's only so much Rory can take of that and she forces him to put on something else. To her immense surprise, he puts on The Eagles.

"Seriously?" she asks, raising her eyebrows briefly before focusing on the road. They're finally off I-40 West and now on I-15 South. 

"'Take It To the Limit' is a great song," Jess counters, but his eyes are shut and wearing the sunglasses she got him.

"I bet you know all the songs on this album."

"It's their greatest hits album – they're always playing on classic rock radio stations."

"I think you have all their albums hidden in all the nooks and crannies of your car."

"You already _know_ all the nooks of crannies of this piece of shit car," Jess laughs. "I'm pretty sure there's still candy hidden somewhere in the back."

"Hey, you never know when you'll need an emergency stash." She pokes him in the arm. "Speaking of, you should crawl into the back and get me the pack of Red Vines, I'm starving."

Take it easy, take it easy…

**

Venice Beach is something Rory would immediately imagine when she thinks about California, so when she found out Jess was there last summer, she couldn't quite imagine it; she couldn't imagine a guy who hates being barefoot living in a beach town.

But he seems at ease in the passenger seat, directing her how to get to Jimmy's house and she's rather nervous about meeting these people, even though she knows how ridiculous that is – it's not like they're his parents who raised him. 

She pulls up to a house with eclectic furniture in the front yard and when they go through to the front gate, ten dogs run over to bark. At least she's pretty sure it's ten – there are a lot of dogs. 

"Huh, she wasn't kidding about their coming and going – I don't know many of them," Jess tells her as one dog tries to climb over the fence and to her surprise, he pats the dog's head. "This is General Lee, though."

" _The Dukes of Hazzard_?"

He smirks at her as he unlatches the gate and lets himself in.

"Stop it! Damn dogs. Who is that?" they hear a woman call out from somewhere inside the house, the front door open.

"Why don't you just get rid of them?" Jess says, the corner of his mouth twitching.

She hears her scoff. "That's just _rude_ –" the woman starts, coming outside in bohemian clothing and a colorful headscarf around her head, a glare on her face until she realizes who Jess is. Then she makes an exclamation of joy, which causes him to take a step back. "Jess!"

Rory turns her head to hide her smile.

"Hey Sasha," Jess says, a small, but honest smile on his face.

Sasha rushes over and pulls him into a tight hug, which he actually reciprocates for about two seconds before he tries to pull her off him.

She gets the hint and steps back, putting a palm to his cheek. "Wow, you actually hugged me. Are you a pod person?"

Jess snorts. "Is Lily here?"

“It’s two in the afternoon, she’s in school.”

“Sorry. Haven’t been to school in a while,” he says with a smile on his face.

Rory snorts before she can help herself, getting their attentions.

"Sasha, this is Rory. Rory, Sasha," Jess introduces, gesturing between them.

"Hi," Rory says, flushing as she holds out her hand.

Sasha stares at her with piercing blue eyes, darker than Rory's, and says, "Nice to finally meet you, Rory. Jess has talked about you."

"I have not," Jess dissents, looking up at the sky.

"Granted, you were mentioned in passing but I can read people very well and I knew you were important," Sasha continues, letting go of Rory's hand to wave it dismissively.

Rory blushes and looks down at her feet.

"Wow. You weren't lying to Lily when you said you had a junk car," Sasha says after a few seconds, squinting into the distance.

"Hey, that car made a cross-country road trip without a single major hiccup," Jess counters. "It deserves some respect."

"Well if you want to pick up Lily from school, you're not doing it in that hunk of metal."

"I'm not driving your car."

"He feels his masculinity being threatened when he's in my car," Sasha stage whispers to Rory.

"Why don't I drive it? Then you can sulk and maintain your image," Rory says, patting Jess' arm.

He shakes her hand off his arm and scowls.

"I see you haven't changed much this past year," Sasha says with an amused glint in her eye, reaching into her pocket and handing the keys to Rory. "She gets out at a quarter to three, but she has P.E. last period on Wednesdays. I'll call the office to let you know you'll be pulling her out early."

Jess nods, smirking, turning to head out.

"Make sure she's back by six for dinner! She still has homework," Sasha calls after him.

"Don't worry. He may hate school, but I certainly don't. We'll be back in a few hours," Rory reassures her.

Sasha smiles at her, placing a hand on Rory's arm briefly. "I look forward to it."

Rory leaves Sasha to call the school and finds Jess standing by a sedan that has hundreds of painted flowers on it. She bursts out laughing.

"You can maybe imagine why I don't like being in this car," Jess mutters as she unlocks the door and he climbs into the passenger side.

Once she gets in the car, she smiles at him. "We've made it."

He nods. "Yeah," he answers, sounding a little surprised himself. "We did."

She takes his hand and starts the car.

**

_Jess_

Mark Twain Middle School is a lot bigger than Stars Hollow Middle School, so it reminds Jess more of his old school in New York a bit.

Rory makes sure to park the car in the visitor's lot and they walk inside hand-in-hand. She squeezes his once they enter the main office, somehow knowing how uncomfortable he is because he fucking hates school and hates being in one right now.

Rory deals with the people who work there, asking for Lily and letting them know who they are and they take a seat across from the main desk. The secretary eyes Jess distastefully and Rory's hand twitches in her lap; he appreciates her control.

Eventually Lily walks in with her head down, large book cradled in her arms and he whispers to her, "What are you reading? The dictionary?"

She scoffs and rolls her eyes behind her horn-rimmed glasses. "It's _not_ the dictionary, it's –" she starts as she looks up and her eyes comically widen when she faces him. "Jess?"

"Yes, that would be me."

She drops her book, which makes a loud crash on the ground, running over and throwing her arms around him, hugging him even tighter than Sasha did. This time he manages to stay in the hug longer (he missed Lily, a lot more than he would ever admit). 

But when he's about to pull away, she shakes her head and squeezes. "No. Not ready yet."

He shakes his head and feels his cheeks start to turn red as everyone in the office stares at them in varying degrees of awe. The woman who was staring at him with suspicion now has _tears_ in her eyes, for fuck's sake.

"I would like to leave the school now," Jess tells Lily pointedly.

Lily sighs and finally pulls back, grinning widely, revealing the small gap between her front teeth. "What are you _doing_ here?" Then she turns to look at Rory. "And who's this?"

"Okay, let's do introductions as we leave the school," Jess says, standing up and leading Lily out of the school, picking up her book ( _The Count of Monte Cristo_ ) on the way while Rory rushes to sign Lily out.

"I'm glad you're here," Lily says in a small voice, walking close to Jess.

He hands the book back to her. "It's good to see you too." He finds himself wrapping an arm around her shoulders, comfortable in a way he never expected since he was barely able to hug her goodbye last August when he left Venice Beach.

"Geez, Jess, you can't just leave a school with a child without signing out," Rory huffs when she catches up to them. 

"Sorry."

Rory rolls her eyes at his sarcastic apology and smiles at Lily. "Hello! I'm Rory. It's nice to finally meet you. You seem to be one of the few people Jess actually likes."

"I'm sure that group of people is quite interesting," Lily quips, making Rory laugh. "It's nice to meet you too. Now, can you explain to me how you got here and you should definitely buy me some ice cream."

"I like her," Rory tells Jess.

"Of course you do." He rolls his eyes and they get into Sasha's car.

**

They drop the car back at the house and they walk to the boardwalk, telling Lily about their journey from New York to California and her eyes are wide with wonder. And looking back at it, the whole thing is a bit too cinematic for his taste, but the California sun makes Rory's eyes glow brighter and the few times she purposefully brushes the back of his hand against his reminds him of wild dreams he had in between his nightmares, where Rory would be with him here.

(Throughout the day he keeps feeling like the other shoe is about to drop, but it never does.)

**

"I can't imagine living here all year round," Rory says as they sit on a bench overlooking the beach. "I would never get anything done. I'd become a beach bum. I'd sell hemp hats on the boardwalk."

Jess snorts. "No you wouldn't. You'd probably just end up going to school near a beach. There are a few around here."

"How would you know?"

"Because I _lived_ here for almost three months," Jess lies and Lily gives him a grateful look, probably still embarrassed that a week before he left she was begging him to stay, listing off all the schools around LA that he could go to, not knowing he hadn't graduated high school.

"Well, anyway, this is a dream."

Jess takes a deep breath, the smell of the ocean weirdly comforting and he thinks he rather missed it this past year, just a little.

"We should get Jimmy! I want to see his face when he realizes you're here!" Lily gasps, jumping to her feet. "His dumbstruck expression is fantastic," she informs Rory.

"You totally influenced her," Rory hisses as Lily skips ahead, her long ponytail swinging behind her. "She's like the little sister you never had."

He shrugs, not entirely put off by the suggestion.

She blinks at him in surprise and laces her hand with his, not saying a word more. Maybe it's because this is really fucking huge and she's acknowledging it by not really acknowledging it, or maybe it's because she's realizing that she's subtly changing too: she shoots challenging glares and she lets (some) wordless moments go by without attempting to fill them with rambling words and he caught her reading _A Farewell to Arms_ somewhere going south.

They let their hands go when Lily pulls at the door handle and looks at them expectantly.

**

The drop the car off at the house and they walk to the boardwalk until Lily finds an acceptable place to get ice cream. Lily gets mint chocolate chip, Rory gets chocolate, and Jess gets vanilla, even though at some point he and Lily swap ice creams because the mint chocolate chip is actually great and Lily takes after her mom in the generosity department.

The beach is full of school kids and Jess hates it, but Lily leads them to sit on an open spot in the sand to sit. Rory and Lily take off their shoes and wiggle their feet in the sand and they poke fun at him for keeping his shoes on and everything else, but he fucking hates sand. It gets everywhere and he found Californian sand in the bottom of his duffel bag a few months ago during his brief stint in Chicago and it made him sick.

At around four, they walk to Dante's Inferno (which Rory still snorts over). There's a "Now Hiring" sign put up and Jess has already resigned himself to working there, at least until he can find a bookstore that's recently fired a pothead who's more of a nuisance than he's worth.

The look on Jimmy's face is priceless and Lily cackles the entire walk home until she gets the hiccups, which is just as well. Rory is staring at Jimmy with shock because yeah, Jess has been there with that revelation. 

They pick up two large pizzas for dinner, which is somewhat awkward since Jess hasn't done this _ever_ – it's the closest to a family dinner he's ever participated in.

"He must've freaked you out," Rory whispers as they rest on the cot in the den. They're alone in the dark while everyone else has gone upstairs, but she's still quiet.

"What, Jimmy?"

She nods, blue eyes dark with the moonlight striped across her face.

"Yeah. He still does, sometimes," he admits because it's still fucking weird that they both hate Indian and love Thai food, that they believe Bukowski speaks for generations beyond his own, that Dickens can be such a hit or miss and he tries not to be reassured that his quirks and every other fucking thing wrong with him came from somewhere.

Taking one from his book, she kisses him to distract.

**

"I think I want to go to San Francisco," Rory states over a breakfast of toast and Nutella ("Breakfast of champions," Jess had commented sarcastically to Jimmy's spread).

"When?" Jess asks, getting up to refill his glass of orange juice.

"I was thinking tomorrow."

He pauses with his hand on the carton for a second. "You want to go alone?" he clarifies as he takes the carton out of the fridge and shuts the door.

"Yeah – I mean. If you don't mind my taking your car. Or if you want to go too, I just –"

"Rory, it's fine," he interrupts her. He reaches into his pocket and tosses her his keys. She catches them before they can fall into her coffee mug. "Just make sure not to go above sixty-five."

"I won't," she rolls her eyes at the reminder, but she smiles at him. "Thank you."

"Scope out the city for me."

"You haven't been?" she asks, surprised as he pours his orange juice.

"Well it does take a few hours to get there and I didn't have a car last summer. I stayed local," he explains, putting the carton back in the fridge. "How long do you want to go – a week?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Yeah – need money for gas?"

"I think I'm good."

He'll sneak a few bills into her purse before she leaves.

"So!" Rory says, grinning. "What does Jess Mariano do in sunny California?"

**

They stay on the boardwalk all day – going into different music and bookstores and Rory is in awe that he can avoid the beach the entire time.

"You don't like –"

"No."

"But it's so nice –"

" _No_."

She pouts. "That's going to have to change. There's nothing nicer than reading a book on the beach."

"There's sand everywhere. That automatically makes it miserable."

"Lily and I will double-team you. There's no escape."

He narrows his eyes at her. "No."

She scoffs and wraps an arm around his waist. "Insufferable."

"Adorable."

"Incorrigible."

"Humble."

" _Gerbil_."

" _What_?" Jess squawks.

" _Hah_ , I win!"

" _Gerbil_? That's a noun, that doesn't count!"

"It rhymes! Suck it, Mariano."

"We're adding another rule to that."

"I still win."

He pinches her side and she tries to trip him and he has to put her hands on either side of her head and bring her in for a kiss to get her to stop laughing.

**

He kisses her when the sun is rising and watches from the front door as she drives away in his car and he begins keeping his cell phone on his person more often than not; it's weird and kind of fucking scary to be concerned.

**

Jess is reading in the front yard when a sedan slowly pulls up beside the house. It's nothing special – a silver, affordable car – but Jess has already lowered his book and carefully watches a man get out of the car. He's also unremarkable, but there's something about the shape of his chin and the way he narrows his eyes in the sun that's familiar.

"Hey," the guy says, coming up to the gate and at least five of the dogs rush over, preventing him from trying to open the gate. Jess has to remember to give all of them treats later.

"Hey," Jess says back, not standing up.

The guy stares at him expectantly, but quickly figures out that Jess isn't California friendly. "Do a Sasha and Lily live here?"

And Jess figures out why he looks familiar and rage flares in his stomach. "Is Sasha expecting you?"

"I'm sorry, but…this is a private business."

" _Is she expecting you_?" Jess demands.

His hesitance is enough of an answer for Jess. 

"Thought so. Fuck off before I sic Jimmy Jam on you."

Jimmy Jam growls menacingly on cue and Jess grins like a jackass and waves when the guy scowls and leaves.

As soon as he disappears down the road, Jess pulls out his cell phone and dials Sasha's number.

" _Jess? Is the house on fire?_ "

He rolls his eyes. "Ha, ha, I would never call otherwise, real hilarious."

" _I try. What's up?_ "

Jimmy Jam comes over to Jess and rests his head on his thigh. Jess scratches behind his ears as he answers, "I think I just met your ex a minute ago."

He pulls the phone back just in time for her to screech, " _What?_ "

**

He hands Sasha a beer even though it's Wednesday and not even lunch. Frankly, he would've gone for something harder, but they seem to only have beer.

He doesn't know much about Lily's father, only that he was a mess like Jimmy, but Sasha at least had the motivation to raise Lily as opposed to Liz, although Sasha was older when she got pregnant than Liz, so there's that. But judging from the fact that she's never, ever brought him up before, even when high or drunk, he's out of the picture to the point that Sasha can forget that he even had a hand in Lily's existence.

"Do you think he's going to come back?" Sasha asks as she opens her second bottle.

He shrugs, getting a bottle for himself. "I dunno. Maybe? You know him better than I do. But if you have the smallest belief that he'll come back, you have to tell Lily. She shouldn't be blind sighted like I was. Let her choose whether she wants this fucker in her life."

Sasha nods resting her head on one hand. "Why now?" she murmurs to herself.

He shrugs and downs almost half the bottle in one go. "Hope it was a passing idea and he's on his way to nowhere."

She holds up her bottle and he clinks his with it.

**

Jess picks up Lily from school because he's paranoid about this guy finding Lily and he really needs to figure this shit out because he's being downright _protective_ , which isn't his schtick at all.

…Maybe he should buy a handle after dropping Lily off at home.

"Why are you getting me," Lily demands as she gets into the passenger seat.

"Your mom wants to talk to you when she gets home."

"So she's not home yet."

"No."

"So then why do I need to be immediately taken home."

"You'd think you would be appreciative about not having to take the bus."

"Fine. Thanks, Jess, I'm really appreciative about your picking me up. Now tell me what's going on."

He doesn't say anything and she pouts.

"Nobody's dead, right?"

Jess makes an aborted choking noise in the back of his throat. "No."

She sighs in relief. "Good. Because funerals make me uncomfortable."

He hums in agreement and lets her fiddle around with his radio.

**

She's taking advantage of the fact that he's not talking, so she asks him to make her pancakes, batting her eyes even though it makes her look like she's trying to get dust out of her eyes.

He's flipping over the pancakes when the doorbell rings and Lily singsongs, "I'll get it!"

" _No_ , Lily, stay," he says, dropping the spatula and rushing out of the kitchen.

"I'm not a _dog_ , Jess," Lily snaps as she makes it to the door first, swinging it open.

Obviously it's him.

"Lily, go upstairs," Jess orders, striding over and guiding her behind him, glaring at Lily's father, debating where on his face he should punch him.

"What – why – "

And her father has to open his mouth and say in a rush, making sure she could hear him, "I'm your dad, Lily."

Jess whips her head to Lily, who's never looked younger. "Wh-what?"

**

Sasha storms into the house with rage in her eyes, Jimmy close behind and Jess can't look at him. Lily is staring between her biological parents with confusion and when he tries to lead her out of the kitchen so the adults can talk, she wretches herself away from his touch, face full of betrayal and anger.

So he peels himself away and heads up to the roof, a pack of cigarettes stuffed in his pocket.

The first drag almost makes him cough, but it gets easier as the cigarette burns. He considers calling Rory, but it's not like she can do anything about it from San Francisco.

But this is it, isn't it? Why they didn't work the first time?

" _Fuck_ ," he hisses, lifting his hips up so he can reach his phone in his back pocket. He clenches his jaw as he dials her number, hesitating before pressing 'call.'

" _Hey, Jess!_ "

He doesn't answer, embarrassed and horrified at the swell of emotions in his chest, his vision growing blurry.

" _Jess?_ "

He smiles humorlessly and starts talking, telling her about Lily's dad coming back and his being a protective asshole and how that's fucking terrifying because she's _not_ his sister, not at all, but he's thinking like a brother, something he's only read about and watched in books and movies and never thought he'd understand. At one point silent tears fall down his face and he's quick to rub them away, even though he thinks she knows, somehow.

" _If you need to leave, you should meet me here._ "

He shakes his head. "Nah, it's okay."

She gives him the address of her hostel, but he already knows it. She tells him she loves him and he's too fucked up to say it back.

" _I wanted to_ ," she tells him after a few seconds of silence and he's afraid that if he opens his mouth, whatever's lodged in his throat will come out and something awful will fill the silence. " _Let me know how everything goes when you can, alright? I'll talk to you later_ ," she finishes and he told her one random night in the south that sometimes she was too fucking good for him, to which she responded that he always treated her like a normal person; there's something inherently fucked up about that. 

After some time, Jimmy comes up with a bottle of whiskey (where was _that_ hiding?) and Luke would probably have a coronary if he knew.

"Can I bum one?" Jimmy asks once he sits down next to Jess.

"No," Jess answers, bringing up the cigarette to his mouth for a long drag.

"He's gone. Well, for today, anyway. He's…trying."

"You know, you're kind of the _last_ person I'm willing to have a civil conversation with right now," Jess says, pissed and contemplating if pushing Jimmy off the roof will result in grievous injuries or death and whether that risk is worth it.

"You know, you may not have wanted to get to know me, but Lily wants to get to know her dad."

"You donated half of my DNA and that's all you ever contributed to being a _dad_. Same with this asshole."

"Hey, at least he didn't run off after a cup of coffee."

Jess looks away and shakes his head. "He should've given her the choice."

"Do you think Sasha would've really been open to that?" Jimmy asks quietly and Jess suddenly realizes what he's hinting at. He takes the bottle from Jimmy's loose hold and chugs it for a few seconds.

"Ah yes, finally realizing that maybe parents know a thing or two about taking care of their children. Every disaffected youth has this moment."

"If I pushed you off the roof, would you just break a lot of bones?" Jess asks. "And you'll never have that quality as a parent who can make that call, so shut the fuck up."

Jimmy holds up his hands in surrender and they sit in silence for a few minutes, passing the bottle between them.

"They're going to try supervised visits," Jimmy says when Jess takes the bottle back.

He stares ahead at the ocean as he says, "She better not get hurt."

"Jimmy? Mom wants to talk to you."

They whip their heads to find Lily sticking her head out the window, staring at Jimmy expectantly.

"Alright, Lily-Lou, give me a sec."

Lily steps away and Jimmy holds a hand out for the bottle. Jess rolls his eyes and gives it back. He doesn't watch Jimmy walk away, but from the corner of his eye he sees Lily take a seat next to Jess.

"I talked with my mom about your behavior," Lily prefaces and he wishes he still had the whiskey.

He nods, putting out his half-finished cigarette on the roof tile.

"She says it's because it's basically what Jimmy did to you. That you wanted me to make a choice about meeting my dad."

"And what do you think?"

She slides over so she's close to his side and can rest her head on his shoulder. "I think you're the big brother I always wanted."

"I don't know about that," he mutters, hesitantly bringing an arm around her shoulders and doesn't say anything when he feels his shoulder dampen.

**

Lily wants to sleep in Jess' bed, so he lets her and he reads beside her until she falls asleep. Afterwards, he gets up and writes on the floor.

And writes, and writes.

**

He wakes up at the crack of dawn and he goes outside and finishes his pack of cigarettes as he watches the sun rise over Venice Beach.

**

Lily skips school and Jess takes her to the beach, which he doesn’t want to do, but he wears his only pair of shorts and brings two books with him. Lily is wearing a large hat and a bright dress and swinging around a boom box.

"Please tell me you brought decent music that doesn't include anything with 'girls' or 'boys' in the artist's name."

She sticks her tongue out at him. "Don't worry, snob, I've brought something from the '70s."

Turns out it's Chicago, which isn't a band that Jess loves, but doesn't hate either. "Just You 'n' Me" is a really great song, even though "Saturday In the Park" is a bit overrated (and maybe it brings back bitter feelings of his mom buying him an Italian ice in the streets of Brooklyn).

" _Eh curare! Itza nice ey! Can you dig it, yes, I can,_ " Lily sings along and he can't help but chuckle.

**

Later they head to the bookstore closest to Dante's Inferno and go their separate ways. Except when they meet up again somewhere on the second floor, she has the manager with her, who offers him a job.

"Are you serious?" Jess asks, shooting Lily a look.

"Hey," the manager starts with a shrug of his narrow shoulders, "she gave a good recommendation. Besides, I remember you from last summer – pretty sure you know more about books than anyone, so. You want the job or not?"

They shake on it and Jess knees her in the back as they walk out the store (but he buys her a sundae).

**

"Hey, Luke – if I front the money, can you do something on your end?"

**

_Rory_

Rory comes back to Venice Beach feeling a little older and more centered; she definitely wants to travel on her own more in the future.

(Not to say that she doesn't immediately pull Jess into a dirty kiss when he pops open the trunk to get her suitcase out, but.)

"I don't know whether to be relieved or upset that I wasn't here this week," she says as they're brushing their teeth together in the cramped bathroom on the first floor.

He pauses and glances at her in the mirror. "Relieved," he responds in a garbled voice, but he nudges her with his hip.

**

Rory stumbles upon a tutoring job when she ends up helping one of Lily's friends with her summer reading while she's at the house. When they dropped her off at home, her mother apparently calls Sasha about hiring Rory for tutoring three days a week.

"I have a _lot_ more friends where that came from," Sasha says. "I can make a few calls."

And this is how Rory ends up tutoring ten kids a few times a week; the best part being that Venice Beach moms are _very_ generous (which is good because she's down to her last ten dollars).

"You don't mind?" Rory asks in regard to using the house for tutoring.

Sasha waves her hand. "Of course not. You don't have a car and it's easier to make them come to you, right?"

**

Jess just thinks it's funny.

"You can handle anything after me," he tells her when she complains about a student who just can't _focus_.

She tosses a pillow at him.

**

When Jess starts working at the bookshop, he loses a lot of the tension he still carries in his shoulders. It may be the employee discount he gets, so he comes back to the house with bags of books often, which always puts him in a good mood, but she's snuck into the store once or twice and has seen him having conversations with customers about books.

It's all the potential she got glimpses of in the past – sure he still has his moods, sometimes he'll have bad dreams and be incorrigible for the day, but. He's doing better.

And frankly, she thinks she is too.

**

"You mind coming with me to LAX? I need to pick up Sasha's parents," Jess says as he scrambles eggs at the stove.

Rory furrows her brow, not looking up from the newspaper she's reading. "I don't mind," she says, wondering why Sasha isn't picking them up herself – her job seems flexible enough. "Have you met them before?"

"Yeah, once. Stayed out of the house for most of it, though. They needed the futon."

"Where did you sleep, then?" she asks, concerned at the idea of his sleeping on the boardwalk or something.

"He slept with me!" Lily says cheerfully as she skips down the stairs and towards her wardrobe.

"On the _floor_. Christ, Lily, your naïveté rears its ugly head at _bad times_ ," Jess retorts loudly, glancing up at the ceiling.

" _Ew_ , that's _gross_ , Jess!"

Jess' jaw drops. "She fucking knew." He shakes his head as she leaves the kitchen.

"Not surprised – I doubt she has any naïveté left. You tend to do that."

He glances at Rory with a smirk. "Oh, _really_."

She flushes, but asks, "When do we have to leave?"

"Not for an hour – LAX isn't too far away."

"Is it necessary for you to make eggs?"

"You were the one that wanted them, Rory"

"True," she says sadly, putting a hand to her stomach. "Well, hurry up so I can eat and then we can make out before we go."

Jess laughs under his breath. "As you wish."

**

"Where are they coming from?" she asks as they look over the screen listing the gates and arrivals.

"Hartford."

"Wow, really? They live out there?"

"Yeah, in Massachusetts. They fly out of Hartford."

Rory narrows her eyes at him, finding this now really suspicious. But naturally, Jess keeps his poker face on and just leads them through the bustling crowd, weaving like a pro.

By the time they make it to the gate, she's thinking to herself, _what if –_

 __"Oh, found them," he says lightly, nodding towards the trickling crowd of sluggish people entering the airport. Except one person is rushing out of the gate and –

" _Mom_?" Rory gasps and soon they're both squealing and in each other's arms – at least this time they manage to stay upright, although there are embarrassing tears.

"Sorry to break up this emotional reunion, but we should leave. You're making people cry and it's making me uncomfortable," Jess says, tapping Rory on the back.

She turns to him and she fucking _knows_ he had something to do with all of this; it's probably a good thing her mom is here and they're in public because she's two seconds away from doing something stupid and inappropriate.

(Like say 'I love you' to his face and blow him right there.)

**

She sits in the backseat with her mom and they catch up, like they never were apart and bless Jess for taking it all without a snide comment.

Well, except for the last five minutes when Lorelai says, "You're awfully quiet, Mr. Stealth Planner."

"You're smart. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks just fine."

Lorelai furrows her brow at his back and turns to Rory, who shrugs her shoulders.

"I see you're on your best behavior then."

"Whatever you say, Lorelai. Luke said you'd be coming bearing gifts?"

Lorelai wordlessly goes through her purse (naturally it's fluffy and pink) and leans forward with a check in her hand.

Jess briefly looks down and focuses back on the road. "What's that."

"It's called gift bearing. From Luke."

"I'm not taking his money."

"Did you not hear what I said? _Gift. Bearing_. Just take the damn thing with a smile and a thanks. I did travel three thousand miles with it." Lorelai shakes her hand and flaps the check by Jess' ear.

He whips his hand off the wheel and takes it with a clenched jaw.

Rory raises her eyebrows at him, surprised he didn't throw in a 'fuck you,' but maybe her mom's right and he is on his best behavior for her.

Lorelai makes the sound of a cracking whip and Jess glares back at Lorelai, "Seriously? Do you want me to drive this car into the fucking Pacific to make you stop because I'm there."

Lorelai turns to Rory with a smug smile. "There's the Jess we all know and barely tolerate."

He gives her the finger without looking.

**

"I have to admit, I'm _really_ curious to meet Jess' dad," Lorelai whispers to Rory as they get out of the car.

"He's…interesting," Rory responds, not sure how to describe him in relation to Jess. There are eerie similarities, but Jimmy is distinctly Californian and Jess has the Manhattan cityscape embedded in his bones. "Look, play nice, Mom, seriously."

Lorelai sighs, looking at Rory with a rare seriousness. "Okay, okay." Then her face changes into shocked happiness. " _Doggies_! So many dogs!"

Rory rolls her eyes as her mom rushes to the gate. She stays behind and waits for Jess to pull Lorelai's suitcase out of the trunk.

"Did she have to bring the fucking house with her?" he grunts, biceps bulging and she pulls him by the front of his shoulder and kisses him – open mouthed and sloppy.

"Thank you," she whispers fiercely against his mouth. "Thank you."

He pecks her on the mouth, smiling ruefully. "I'll totally regret it come dinner."

**

At Jess' insistence, Rory takes Lorelai out to dinner in Santa Monica, figuring that she could use the alone time with her mom and give Jess some space.

"It's like a postcard here," Lorelai says as they're splitting their large plate of fries.

Rory thought so too at first, and it still is, but there's a seediness to it when she pays attention on the boardwalk and when she passes through certain neighborhoods. But her mom won't be here long enough to notice, so she doesn't bring it up.

"So you don't even _know_ the kind of damage control I'm doing in regards to Richard and Emily – her rambling about how you've been kidnapped by a hooligan would be _hilarious_ if I wasn't the only one suffering through her screeching during Friday night dinners," Lorelai tells her.

Rory rolls her eyes, insulted and a little hurt, an echo of what she felt when she tried to bring Jess over to meet her grandparents. 

"Some day they'll realize that despite my paleness, I'm not a porcelain doll – I'm capable of making my own decisions," Rory says bitterly.

"Okay, I think I put it off long enough – _what_ is going on with you and Jess?" Lorelai asks in a rare moment of seriousness.

Rory drums her fingers against the glass of her soda and shrugs her shoulders, looking down at the table. "I love him," she admits, glancing up at her mom, who can't mask her emotions. Rory knows she's not _disappointed_ , per se, but she's upset.

"I know we pretended he never came to Stars Hollow most of the time, but I know he hurt you," Lorelai finally says. "And I still want to smash his head against the nearest hard surface whenever he opens his mouth."

Rory smiles. "I still get that urge too. I think that's a permanent fixture of his personality."

Eventually Rory tells her about Dean, about what's been happening and how she's sure, if she stayed home, she would've done something incredibly stupid.

"I make my own choices. I know you think Jess is a _bad influence_ or whatever parent psychology that seems to be universally accepted, especially since a lot of my questionable ones seem to be in relation to him, but. At least Jess makes me own up to them. I feel like a human being when I'm with him. I don't know it's like – I don't feel pressured with him. Pressured to be the Town Princess, as he says."

Lorelai frowns. "I thought we laughed at that – did you – _do_ you feel pressured by Stars Hollow?"

"A little," she admits, taking a long sip of her Coke. Frankly, she could use some rum or vodka in it right now; she _never_ thought she'd be admitting this, especially to her mom who loves Stars Hollow, but treats a lot of it like a joke.

"Jess treated you like crap, you know. That's not treating you like a human being. You deserve better than that," Lorelai says slowly with worry.

"I know that," Rory hastens to say, "Trust me. I do. We've talked about it. Look, he was not the best boyfriend; I know that, he knows that. But he tried, and I knew that back then. He was doing the best he could."

Lorelai still isn't buying it.

Rory looks down at her hands. "Promise you won't say anything."

"Say what?"

"I met his mom. Liz. At some Renaissance Fair. She was saying how her new husband gave her the motivation to get clean and – Jess was _there_ he was standing there going through a book and had to hear his mom basically say that her own _son_ wasn't enough to get better – and then that _call_ she made –"

Lorelai's face softens. "I got as much from the wedding. She just seemed like a space."

Rory bites her tongue, wanting to ask, 'do _just_ spacey people call their children and say they would've gotten an abortion if they had the money at the time,' but, she refrains, figuring that's enough breaching of Jess' confidentiality.

"I know it doesn't excuse the things he's said and done, but. It gives me patience. I've stopped comparing him to Dean, he's talking more. It's…it's working a lot better than it did before."

Lorelai is still unsure by the end of dinner and Rory is too tired to explain herself anymore.

**

Jess asks her how the dinner went even though he knows it wasn't perfect, but she appreciates his being vocal all the same.

(But she really likes that he pulls her close at night, his heart beating against her back hot and strong and she falls asleep listening to it.)

**

"Charlotte and Lee invited us to a concert," Jess tells her the next morning.

Rory glances at him as she pours herself another cup of coffee. "When?"

"Tonight. There's a pre-game at Charlotte's."

She looks back at her mom, who's busy talking to Anna. "Sure," Rory says, "Adults can talk about us for the night while we have fun."

Jess smirks. "That's the spirit. Want me to pick you up anything?"

"What, a hot dog?"

He furrows his brow at her, but he's smiling amusedly. "Alcohol, dear."

She elbows him. "I don't care. Whatever I can mix with Coke."

**

Charlotte lives a few blocks away, so they walk, hands laced. The condo is alight and they can faintly hear the heavy bass before walking inside.

She gets a nice inhale of weed and she tries not to cough, but she ends up hiding her face in his shoulder and coughing anyway. Jess snorts, and drapes an arm around her shoulders. 

They find Charlotte taking shots, so naturally they have to do them too before they can say hi.

"Oh, Rory, you're wearing that?" Charlotte asks, tutting as she eyes Rory's nondescript black shirt, running a hand through her bright red hair.

She looks down at it. "Yeah?"

Charlotte reaches over and takes her hand. "Come with me."

She takes Rory into her bedroom and goes through an entire drawer, throwing clothes dramatically behind her until she finds what she's looking for.

"That looks like a sparkly scrap of fabric," Rory states.

"It's backless – just try it."

The neckline is almost too low and her back is exposed, the thin tie not doing a thing to hide her bra; she wouldn't be caught _dead_ in something like this at home, but.

She's thousands of miles away, halfway to drunk and maybe a little high from secondhand smoke, so she agrees to wear it.

**

Jess raises an eyebrow and snakes an arm around her waist, his warm fingers slipping past the fabric to get to more skin. "I like it," he murmurs in her ear.

She smiles, a little embarrassed.

But she eventually forgets about it as the night goes on, distracted by meeting new people and watching Jess interact with others, how much more he _talks_ when drunk, how he smiles more than he smirks.

(Although he does immediately and rudely leave a conversation when they bring up _The Great Gatsby_ being the most romantic tragedy; his tolerance for people misunderstanding books never goes away.)

**

Someone in the group knows the bouncer, who lets them in without checking IDs even though she's sure she's not walking in a straight line, only making it because Jess has a loose, but strong hold.

The music is _loud_ , people jumping up and down and it's not too long before she's joining them. Nobody knows the words, only phrases that are repeated over and over and there's a point when she and Jess fall into each other, her arms around his neck and his hot hands on her back, slick with sweat and boy is she glad she changed.

He kisses her and she feels it down to her toes, mouth opening for him and he tastes like the rum and Coke he's been stealing from her. He runs a hand through her hair, still short but growing longer and she presses closer.

As soon as her mom leaves, she _swears._

**

Lorelai is weirdly proud the next morning when they go out for breakfast, unable to stop laughing at Rory's hangover.

"That's the spirit, kid," Lorelai says.

"Shut up," Rory whines.

Lorelai cackles into her coffee.

**

Jess drives them to the airport and gives them space as they hug each other goodbye.

"I don't suppose there's any way to convince you to come home, right?" Lorelai asks, smiling sadly.

Rory smiles, also a little sad. "No. I'll be back before school. I promise."

"You better."

"Even if I did for some reason lose the desire to go back to Yale, I'm sure Jess would man-handle me onto a plane."

Lorelai raises her eyebrows and looks over to Jess, who has already pulled out a book to read. "Seriously?"

Jess seems to sense their staring since he looks up from his book and back at them. Rory smiles at him and the corner of his mouth quirks up. 

"Okay…he better. _You_ better."

Lorelai hugs her again and Rory will miss her mom, of course she will, but all the same, she's not terribly sad when she takes Jess' hand and they walk back to his parked car.

**

Rory supposes that 'accidentally' sleeping with someone isn't really a thing since she was conscious of it the entire time and she _wanted_ it, she did, but.

They didn't plan on the house being empty, a note on the fridge from Lily about being back home later tonight (only Lily bothers to leave notes). They didn't plan on making out until they've stripped of everything, they didn't plan on his going down on her and her being _loud,_ her telling him to get a condom and he's so, so careful. It's admittedly uncomfortable and strange, but intense as she holds him tightly, face buried in his neck.

Afterwards, she catches her breath and keeps Jess' arm around her waist, tapping her fingers on his forearm.

"You okay?" he asks, voice muffled a little from the pillow, brown eyes inquisitive and light from the sun streaming into the den.

She runs a tongue over her bottom lip and nods. "Yeah. I'm good. Perfect."

He raises an eyebrow at her.

"Okay…not perfect, I feel a little weird, but. I'm content, definitely." She turns her head to face him properly. "I'm happy. I don't regret anything."

He removes his arm from her waist and strokes her cheek with his thumb. "I do love you," he says, serious as can be.

She smiles widely. It's the first time he's said it since that cold night in February. "I know."

He scrunches his nose and she knows he'll never admit to tickling her, but he totally does, _the jerk._

**

_Jess_

Eventually they get dressed and when he sees her wince as she slides on her underwear, he offers to get her coffee from the café on the boardwalk that she likes to splurge on.

"Nah, I'll go with you," she says, grabbing her purse even though he's going to end up paying for it anyway.

Usually he likes to walk fast – he's too much of a New Yorker in that respect – but this time he takes his time and she seems grateful for it, arms swinging beside her, the cotton material of her long skirt flowing with her.

He knows it's stupid when people say sex changes you, but he knows she's isn't lying when she says she's content – she looks it. 

"What are you staring at?" she asks. "There's no way I have anything on my face since I didn't – oh _shut up_ ," she whacks him with her bag when she catches him smiling at her unfinished sentence.

"Sex looks good on you," he admits, draping an arm around her shoulders.

"You're just saying that to get laid more," she teases.

"Can't it be both?"

She laughs as she stumbles into him. "Sure, if you keep saying such pretty things."

He smirks and pulls her in a little closer. 

They buy coffee and he's insistent on hot coffee even though it's closer to eighty degrees outside while she double-fists large iced coffees.

She shrugs unashamedly. "That's the problem with iced coffee – there's simply not enough, even in a large."

"Psycho," he responds without any heat. 

They sit on the beach and he even takes off his Vans and socks for the first time.

The sand still sucks, but seeing her gob smacked expression is pretty worth it. "A day of firsts after all."

She wrinkles her nose and then tilts her head up into the sun. "I think it would be even better if you actually went into the water. This is child's play. A woman losing her virginity is a large milestone –"

He snorts. "You don't believe that sexist bullshit."

She pouts. "No, but I can try to twist it to my advantage?"

"Nice try."

She continues to pout. "I _am_ a little sore…"

He stares at her and she blinks innocently, her mouth twitching a little, trying hard not to smile.

He sighs and stands up, grabbing the back of his t-shirt and pulling it off. " _Once_ ," he says, tossing the shirt into her lap.

She squeals and stands up also, taking his wallet and phone when he hands them to her.

"The things I do for love," he sighs dramatically as he steps in the water, wincing. "Fuck, it's cold, Gilmore, I'll have you know."

"Eh, suck it up, Mariano."

He closes his eyes, dives in, and _fuck it's really cold_.

**

They pick up Chinese food on the way back to the house, Jess dripping water the entire way, and Rory is already eating the dumplings from the bag.

"I'm _starving_."

"When are you not?"

She offers him a dumpling, which he takes. He's also hungry, but he's not about to give her the satisfaction.

"Do you want to see _The Bourne Supremacy_ or _The Notebook_ tonight?" Rory asks.

"I don't want to be inevitably disappointed by the sequel. And I don't know why you want to punish me by bringing up _The Notebook_."

She grins. "Not even for mocking purposes?"

"People are going to _cry_ in the theater. I hate crying."

"I know."

"Cruel."

**

"Er."

"What?"

"…How would you feel about housing Paris again?" Rory asks, trying to smile as wide and charmingly as she can, although it comes across as nervous.

"…Why."

"Because…she's in Sacramento and wants to escape her family?"

Jess grimaces. "How is she getting here?"

"Flying – we'd have to pick her up at LAX."

"Where would she sleep, at another motel? There's no way we're having a _sleepover_."

"Why, I thought she'd sleep in the middle," Rory jokes.

He shudders. "I will give up the bed and sleep on the floor to avoid that."

"Your friend can sleep in the trundle."

" _…Trundle?_ When did you get a _trundle_?" Jess asks, pissed when he turns to find Lily standing in the doorway.

"I've always had a trundle!"

"Then _why_ did I have to _share your bed with you_?"

Her eyes widen in realization. " _Oh_. Because there was never a mattress in the trundle. We'll have to get one."

"I'll ask again, why didn't you _tell me_? I would've _bought_ a mattress last year!"

" _Whatever_ – the point is, she can stay here and you don't have to get cozy with Paris Geller," Rory says loudly.

"Is she really named after a city?"

Jess smirks and is about to open his mouth when Rory says, " _Don't_."

"Just when you were starting to be fun," he says teasingly.

She sticks out her tongue in response.

(Later during dinner, she runs a hand up his thigh casually under the table and he has to make sure to eat slowly so he can will away his hard-on after everyone has left the table.)

**

Three days later, they're driving to LAX in the late afternoon after his shift at work to pick Paris up.

"Are you sure you want to live with her next year?" Jess inquires as they wait at the gate.

Rory sighs. "She'll probably drive me crazy, but, yeah. I can't imagine living with anyone else."

"Ex _cuse_ me! God, do you want to make it out the airport by _next week_?"

Rory sighs again. "Yep, definitely crazy."

Paris comes into view wheeling a large suitcase and a disgruntled expression on her face. Except when she catches sight of Rory, her face softens into something like a real smile.

"I swear, time spent traveling via airplanes would be cut in half if there was a minimum walking speed limit," Paris states before hugging Rory tightly. Rory genuinely returns it, smiling at Jess with a 'what can you do' look and he gets it.

Paris steps away and eyes Rory critically for a minute. Rory shifts from foot to foot and raises her eyebrows at her. "Well, I suppose it could've been worse," Paris finally says. "I was afraid you'd be wearing hemp hats and have grown your hair down to your butt."

"It's impossible for me to grow my hair that much in two months," Rory responds with a patience he never understood.

Paris moves on to Jess. "You look better."

He raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"You look better. Calmer. It's more attractive."

He shares a confused look with Rory, who then shrugs. "I see what she means."

**

The next day he wakes up, showers, shaves, and stares at himself properly in the mirror. He does look better now, even though he can write it off on having free room and board for now and being able to eat properly.

**

"Jess?"

He looks up from his mug off coffee to see Lily with her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth from the balls to the heels of her feet. He glances at Rory and Paris, both engrossed in reading newspapers.

"What."

Lily winces, even though he hasn't said anything yet.

"Spit it out – do you need a ride somewhere?"

"Kind of."

"Okay – where and when?"

"Well, I need more of an escort. On the boardwalk."

"…Is this some sort of bullying thing? Because I don't know if you want me to handle it," he admits because he's sure he'd just drop kick the kid in question.

"No – I can handle that with a copy of _Les Misérables_ –"

" _Please_ don't tell me you've gotten through that snoozefest," Paris says suddenly, staring Lily down.

Lily doesn't cower under Paris' glare and Jess is proud.

"Just because you've never seen poverty until this summer doesn't mean it's not relatable to most of the human race," Jess retorts.

"Uh, weren't _you_ the one who mentioned using a copy of _Les Mis_ for a fireplace a few months ago?"

"Yeah, because I was desperate and that book is thousands of pages long."

"Pretty sure you had a choice between Ayn Rand and Victor Hugo," Rory adds.

"I was _reading_ Rand –"

"I'm going to meet my dad for lunch today!" Lily shrills to interrupt the conversation.

Jess puts down the mug loudly onto the table. "You're meeting that asshole –" He bites his tongue and takes a deep breath. "You're meeting your good-for-nothing, _absent_ father?"

Paris snorts into her cereal and Rory slaps Paris' arm with the back of her hand in reprimand.

"Yes," Lily answers, serious as can be. "And Mom said that I can't see him unless I have an adult present."

This time Rory snorts.

Jess glares at her before turning his attention back to Lily. He almost asks why she doesn't just bring her mom, but even though Lily has a handful of friends (she's barely more popular than he is with people), she's probably the most considerate person Jess has ever known and she wouldn't want her mom to have to deal with her ex more than she must.

Jess sighs in defeat. "What time were you planning?"

Lily smiles, hesitant and grateful.

**

Lily picks the diner just off the boardwalk because she knew she had to be somewhere public – she's always been cognizant.

"Also there's less of a chance of you punching him," she says as they walk over.

"Don't count on that," he mutters, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "So am I supposed to be the third wheel? Sit at a nearby table like a creep?"

"You can sit with us," she tells him. "You can read too."

"Okay."

**

He has his book open on the table, but he's been stuck on the same page for the past five minutes, one hand fingering the corner of the book while Lily is nervously squeezing the other under the table. She's telling her dad about what she's been reading, but he hasn't read anything since high school. He can tell she's disappointed, wondering where that spark in her came from.

When he leaves to go to the restroom, Jess says, "That's yours. He wasn't there and it didn't matter because he gave you nothing that important to you."

"You were angry that Jimmy is like you."

"A little." Pause. "Do you like him?"

She shrugs. "I like Jimmy better. He has more personality."

Jess snorts. "I guess."

Her dad returns and awkwardly slides back into the booth. There's an uncomfortable silence until Lily puts down her fork and folds her hands on the table. "Look, I understand you feel some residual guilt over the fact that you were young and scared and ran off once you got word of my mom being pregnant. It happens. It happened to Jess here."

Jess rolls his eyes. "Jimmy stuck for a day, actually."

"The point is, I hope this meeting has quelled that guilt because as you can see, I am fine. Great, actually. My mom is the only parent I could ever need – she is the best. I can't imagine how you would've possibly aided in my positive growth."

Jess purses his mouth to keep himself from bursting out laughing.

"You seem like a…nice person. Dull, but…nice. If it makes you feel better to meet with you say…once a month. Maybe once every other month during the school year – I take my schooling very seriously. Then I'd be willing. Otherwise," she shrugs. "I can go without seeing you again."

He looks hurt. "How about…once a year?" he offers.

She nods. "That can work. You'll have to give me at least a month's notice."

"Okay." He holds out his hand and she shakes it firmly. "Do we need to be chaperoned next time?" He stares at Jess.

Jess looks to Lily. "I could always make time for a yearly visit."

She smiles the widest she's had today before schooling her face. "I'm afraid that's nonnegotiable."

**

"Thank you for coming."

"Hey, free meal." He then sighs at her glare. "You're welcome. And…y'know…I'll come back next year even if you didn't meet with him. Or you could come to me if I manage to get my shit together by this time next year, which is kind of the goal."

"Really?"

She looks so hopeful that it kind of makes him nauseous. "Yeah."

She beams. "Good!"

She skips ahead, which is just as well since a cigarette is lit and in his mouth a few seconds later. 

"Next time you do that, I'm defacing one of your books," she says.

"You wouldn't _dare_."

She turns and nods her head ominously. "Oh, I _dare_."

He blows out smoke from the corner of his mouth. "You do that and I'll fill the wardrobe with bricks."

She gapes. " _Monster_."

"Don't try to outdo the king and maybe I can teach you some of my ways."

"I'll surpass you," she states. "Nobody would expect little ol' me to up to anything."

He flicks the ashes off and smirks. "Probably. I'll pass the title down with pride when that day comes." He looks at the half-used cigarette and drops it onto the boardwalk, squishing it with his sneaker. "Although, your final test would have to be dealing with my uncle."

"Luke?"

"Yeah."

A smile blooms on her face. "Awesome – I want to go to Stars Hollow. You made it seem like a demon town and Rory makes it out to be such a nice place."

"Yeah, it's a demon town because it's so _nice_."

Lily scoffs. "You're a child."

"I'm a legal adult – I could vote in this next election."

She scowls. "No fair. You better vote and stop Bush from getting a second term."

"I will if the Democratic party comes out with someone decent. I might vote Independent."

" _Anyone is better than Bush_!"

**

"Thank you for going with her," Sasha says to Jess as he's reading in the backyard on the hammock.

"It's fine."

"She said she'll only see him once a year."

"Yep."

"And that you said you'd be here for it."

He looks up from his book, thrown off by her serious expression.

"Don't say that to her unless you really mean it, Jess," she continues, voice hard. "If you can't make promises like that yet – and I get it, really – then you better tell her now and save her the heartbreak."

He swallows, that nausea from earlier coming back in full throttle.

But he talked to her over the past few months – he's called her even though when she asked him to in August he said he couldn't make any promises; he still called her two weeks later and told her he was stuck in Nevada.

Besides, he thinks he's better off than Jimmy ever was at this age and he does like shocking people.

"I meant it," he finally says. "I'm staying here though." He might be able to afford a plane ticket though, but he'll hold his breath on that one.

Sasha smiles. "Of course."

He gives her a quick, genuine smile.

"Where are Rory and her…lively friend?"

"At the beach – Paris is best in very small doses."

"I see that."

Jess snorts. "Thanks for letting her stay. Rory complains about her, but she's her best friend. Weird."

"One day, you might just have a best friend of your own."

"I don't believe in friends."

Sasha laughs and shakes her head. "Uh huh."

"Rory was a friend. That didn't turn out too well."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm making Italian tonight – that good?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

Sasha reaches over and lightly pats Jess' cheek before heading back in the house.

Jess looks up at the sky, contentment settling in his bones. He exhales softly through his nose and smiles before going back to reading.

**

Rory and Paris return to the house in time for dinner, Rory frowning at her pink limbs.

"I reapplied every few hours!" she complains, pressing into her skin.

"I don't know why you're surprised, Gilmore, you're as white as the driven snow," Paris responds.

"You got tan," Jess points out.

She looks at her arms and shrugs. "Yeah. I should probably stay out of the sun for the rest of my stay who knows what cancerous cells could be growing now. I'll have to get tested as soon as I'm back in Connecticut."

Jess shakes his head. "You go do that."

"You should too – you're getting color and I doubt you're even putting on proper protection," she retorts.

"It smells bad."

"Yeah, you tell yourself that as you get moles removed from your body by the time you're thirty."

Jess shoots Rory a look, but she's still pressing her finger on various spots on her body, watching the skin turn white then quickly turn pink again.

"There's aloe in the bathroom upstairs," he tells her.

She smiles at him gratefully and then runs up the stairs.

"It's August, you know. She's going to have to leave for school soon," Paris says as soon as they hear Rory shut the bathroom door above them.

"I can read a calendar, thank you."

"You better start talking about it because I refuse to put up with the damage left by you. Again."

"It's none of your goddamn business."

"Yeah, it's _yours_ –"

"Why are you guys shouting?" Rory asks. 

Jess whips his head to the stairway where Rory is standing, rubbing aloe on her arm with a confused expression on her face. Jess gets up from his chair and heads toward her, taking her by the hand and leading her to the front yard. 

"What's going on? What did Paris say?" Rory demands.

Jess stares at her for a few seconds, trying to figure a way to say what he wants without coming off like a total _nutjob_. "You're going back to school soon."

She blinks a few times. "Yeah. August sixteenth. I wanted to give myself a few days to get my things together – I told you that."

"Yeah, you did. I wasn't _crazy_ to assume that we'll still…?" he trails off, feeling his face heat up and he suddenly wishes for alcohol to drown in or to get in his car and _drive away_ – this is worse than that night in February. It's one thing to say _I love you_ , it's another to _need_ ; he doesn't _need_ people in his life.

Her eyes widen and the light from the sun setting is stunning him. Then she smiles. "You weren't crazy. I want to make it work too." She nods, taking his other hand and squeezing them both with her own. "We'll figure it out. Preferably when Paris leaves."

He snorts. "Yeah, before I kick her."

"You'll do no such thing." She turns her head back at the house to see Paris peaking through the window.

"Don't rule the possibility out," he warns her.

She chuckles under her breath. "I love you, Jess. This…I feel good about this. You do too – right?"

He swallows and looks down at their hands. He runs his thumbs over her knuckles. "Yeah," he says, smiling a little in disbelief. "I do."

He's used to foreboding and waiting for the other shoe to drop – it's how his life has always gone. But he can at least say while looking at her that his life is finally looking up. Maybe it's her, maybe it's this weird sense of calm he's been experiencing since he arrived here, or maybe it's that red notebook that's stuffed in his duffle bag in the closet. Regardless, he's going along with it because he fucking deserves it, goddamn it.

"Do we give Paris a show?" he inquires with a raised eyebrow. "I can flash her."

Rory lets go of his hands to slap his arm. "Stop it." She turns to go inside and Jess flips Paris the middle finger, but smiles anyway.

**

_Rory_

"You're welcome, by the way," Paris says to Rory at the gate.

Rory rolls her eyes. "I would've cornered him about it eventually."

"Yeah, but isn't it better that _he_ was the one to do it?"

She has her there. "Fine. Thank you. I guess." She steps forward to give Paris a hug. "Safe flight home. I'll see you at Yale."

"See you." Paris pulls away and smiles before looking over her shoulder at Jess. "Bye, Mariano. Let me know if you plan on _surprising_ her at school so I know to vacate the room. I don't need to hear my roommate having sex."

Rory gapes and her face turns bright red. " _Paris_ ," she hisses.

Jess just smirks. "Fine. As long as you don't call me every other day about my feelings on Austen and Bukowski."

"I still can't believe you won't tell me –"

"Paris, let it go, he won't even tell me," Rory interrupts them tiredly. "We're leaving now."

"Yeah, and be comforted to know we'll be having _wild sex_ in the meantime," Jess adds.

" _Jess_ ," Rory shrills, but Paris is laughing.

"I may actually miss you – who'd have thought." Paris waves at them both and then goes to find a seat at the terminal, shoulder-checking a man who won't move out of her way.

"I may miss her a little bit too," Jess says as they walk out of LAX. 

"Aw, Jess Mariano finally has a friend," Rory teases.

He snorts. "Scary thought."

"Nah, it's nice." She loops her arm through his. Once they're in the car, she asks innocently. "How fast can you get us back?"

He doesn't need to ask for clarification.

**

"Do you have an idea of what you want to do after I leave?" she asks late at night, her cheek resting on his chest. She flies out in less than a week.

He's combing his hand through her hair and she has to force herself to stay awake. "I'm going to Philly," he answers.

She blinks in surprise. "Really?"

"Eventually."

"Why there?" she asks. 

He shrugs. "Something good happened there."

She cried over him there and waited alone in the room for him to come back from wandering. But something did snap in him while they were there, so she accepts his answer with a nod. "Okay."

She wants to push for dates, but this is the best he's ever been with planning anything, so she closes her eyes and lets herself fall asleep.

**

Lily has tears in her eyes during the last dinner in the Sasha-Jimmy house. "You can't stay for a little bit longer?" she pleads.

Rory tries to smile around a mouthful of pad thai. "I'm sorry, Lily, but I need a few days to pack my things before heading back to school."

Lily rubs her eyes behind her glasses. "Will you come visit?"

Rory looks to Sasha in a panic.

"I'm sure Rory will call you whenever she can," Sasha says to Lily.

Rory tries to breathe past the tightness in her chest. She _wants_ to visit Lily – she wants to come back here with Jess, even if it's not for so many months –

"I'm sure I can drag her out here when I go," Jess adds casually, stealing the last dumpling.

Assuming they'll still be together, that they can make it the year. But Rory has always been an optimist. She smiles and nods. "Yeah, definitely."

**

Sasha hands them keys to a room in the nearby motel and Rory wants the ground to swallow her whole.

"Don't say anything, just take it," Sasha says and she's impressed that she can keep a straight face without blushing.

Jess takes the key from her hand and nods. "We'll be back in the morning."

**

She tries not to cry, but at three in the morning, she can't hold them back anymore.

"I can't do this again," she murmurs into his neck.

Jess takes a deep breath, his warm hand running down her spine in soothing motions. "It's different now."

( _Do you promise_? (it makes her feel like she's ten years old.))

"It better be," she says even though that doesn't make her sound like her proper age of eighteen-close-to-nineteen.

Jess laughs under his breath. "Have a little faith in me."

She lifts her head up. "You did _not_ just reference a John Hiatt song."

"Props to you for knowing who that even is."

"Uh, _Benny and Joon_ ," she retorts, scandalized.

"I haven't seen that in _years_. I'll try to find that tomorrow."

She tries to swallow the lump in her throat. "Me too."

"If you're jetlagged tomorrow night…"

"Phone date?"

"Or we could just skip to the phone sex," Jess offers.

She rests her head back on his chest with an exasperated sigh. "Not doing that."

"Uh huh."

"I'm serious – it's weird."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

"Oh, and _you_ have?"

"No, I never gave a shit about anyone enough."

She smiles. "Love you, too."

**

They leave the motel at seven in the morning, her flight is scheduled for take off at ten and they're walking slowly, fingers laced together. She feels like crap on barely an hour of sleep and she's five seconds away from crying.

They don't say a word.

**

Lily knocks the air out of her in a tight hug and Rory promises to call.

"You have to tell me what you're reading in school," Rory says to her with her hands on her shoulders.

Lily sniffles. "I will."

"Thank you for everything," Rory directs to Sasha and Jimmy.

Sasha smiles. "You're always welcome here, sweetheart. It was lovely to meet you."

Jimmy nods in agreement, just as awkward as his son.

Rory wipes her face dry as she leaves the house for the last time.

**

"I hate that I'm being a cliché right now," Rory says as she _won't stop crying at the airport_.

Jess looks uncomfortable. "I feel like a dick right now."

"If you started crying then I won't leave, so suck it up."

Jess snorts. "Cold day in hell when that happens in public."

"In public?"

"Don't you know that men can only cry in solitude, and it can only be a single tear that rolls elegantly down the chiseled features of his ruggedly handsome face?"

Rory's jaw drops. "You're unbelievable."

They call her flight for boarding.

"Call when you get home," Jess says.

She forgot to charge her cell phone, of course.

"I will."

He reaches out and cups her cheek. "I'm coming back," he tells her.

She leans in and kisses him hard. "I love you," she says in the small space between their mouths.

He smiles and wipes the tears from her face. "I love you. Now go back to Connecticut."

She smiles and steps back, fingers lingering on his face before she leaves to board her plane.

(She doesn't look back.)

**

She falls asleep a half-hour after takeoff and it's just as well – she doesn't like the idea of crying for hours next to a total stranger.

**

She lands in La Guardia and takes a cab to Port Authority. There's a bus that leaves just after eight and she has fifteen minutes before it leaves and there's a payphone in her peripheral.

There are spare coins in her purse and she dials his number by heart – she made sure to learn it the first time she saw him pull it out.

" _Mariano_."

Rory presses her lips together to swallow down a cry. She tries to think of something to say ( _duh_ – she survived her flight, she'll be on the next bus to Stars Hollow), but she takes too long and just when she thinks Jess has hung up, she hears him say, " _Rory_."

She wipes the tears off her face and blurts, "I took your Metallica shirt."

" _What, the snake one?_ "

"Yeah."

" _Huh. I was wondering where that went this morning_."

She feels her cheeks flush and she hates that he can do that from thousands of miles away.

" _Rory. I'm coming back. I promised._ "

"No, you didn't."

" _My apologies, I thought that promise was between the lines –_ "

"That's not good enough," she interrupts him, sharp.

He exhales and since he doesn't argue, not really, he answers, " _I, Jess Mariano, solemnly swear that I will return to the east coast in September. The sixth, to be exact._ "

Just when she's about to yell at him for mocking her, she gets stuck on _September sixth_. "You got a plane ticket?"

" _Well, I was gifted the money to purchase one._ "

"You got a plane ticket."

" _It's to Philly, but. I'll be out east._ "

"Better than the three thousand miles now."

" _Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty miles_."

She bites her bottom lip in a smile. "And Philly –"

" _One hundred and seventy-six point one miles._ "

"Three hour drive isn't too bad," she says more to herself.

" _I said I was coming back._ "

But what is he coming back to – what is he going to _do_ in Philly? He's going on a hunch and that _terrifies_ her; she's never been like that (but isn't that what's attractive to her?).

"Okay. Good. I'll see you soon."

" _I will see you soon._ "

"I'll tell Paris and let her know."

" _You might want to inform your neighbors too_."

" _Shut up_." She looks up at the clock. "I have to go. Bye."

" _Bye, Rory._ "

She hangs up and doesn't have time to feel stupid for not saying _I love you_ since she has to run to the bus (at least this time she knows it's the express and not the local).

**

It's almost 10:30 when she arrives at Stars Hollow and the streets are dark and empty. The night is balmy and she feels a little bit like suffocating – she's gotten used to living so close to the ocean.

She looks over at Luke's and sees the lights are on in the upstairs apartment, so she walks over to the entrance and knocks on the door.

She can hear the thundering of footsteps and Luke stumbling through the curtain, bleary-eyed. She winces apologetically and waves.

He fumbles with the lock on the door and whips it open. "Rory, hi."

"Hey, Luke."

"Sorry," he says, rubbing his eyes. "I fell asleep with the game on. Did you just get here?"

She gestures toward the bags at her feet. "Yeah. Mind if I get a coffee?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. If you don't care about worsening your jetlag." He steps aside and lets her in.

"I've already messed up my sleeping schedule – I just missed your coffee."

She sits at the counter and half-expects Jess to walk through the curtain like the old days.

"So…you've traveled the US. Must be weird being back home," Luke says as the coffee percolates.

"I'm beginning to see why he was so stifled here," she admits, not looking up from the counter. "I feel like I'm choking."

When she glances up, he's smiling without humor. "You'll be back at Yale soon enough."

She nods. "Yeah. I know."

He pours her a mug and slides it over to her. She drinks in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the coffee since nobody else in the other states and cities she's visited has as good of coffee.

"So, uh…you guys…" he trails off awkwardly.

She smiles over the rim of her mug. "We're giving long distance a shot."

"That's…good? He's staying in California then?"

She tilts her head to the side. "No, he's moving to Philly."

" _When_?"

"In the beginning of September – wait. I thought _you_ were the one to spot him the money – who –" she stops herself short.

Luke snorts. "Well, at least that good for nothing loser did something right by him."

She puts down her mug and runs her hand through her hair, shaking her head with a smile. "I guess so." She drops her hands to her lap and catches Luke staring at her. She flushes. "What?" she asks.

"Nothing, just. You look good."

"Really?" Rory snorts. "I feel gross from being on the plane for six hours and that awful bus."

Luke smiles. "I'm happy for you. Both of you."

"Thanks. I'm happy too. I may not look it, but. I am. I'm glad I did it."

She has no regrets, which is really remarkable, starting from a place of burgeoning guilt and nearly falling into a pit of shame.

She finishes her coffee and thanks him, that she'll be in at some point tomorrow to eat half the menu and no, she'll just walk home, but thanks.

**

"Rory?"

Rory turns to the street and her heart lurches uncomfortably when she sees Dean in his car, which has slowed to a stop in the middle of the road.

"Hi, Dean," she says, giving him an awkward half-smile before continuing her walk back home.

"So…you're finally home."

She purses her lips and exhales sharply through her nose as she turns to face him. "How's Lindsay?" she asks pointedly and she accepts the embarrassment that comes with it, that three months ago she wouldn't have cared about Lindsay. 

And now, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at Dean, she realizes she still doesn't care, at least in a different way, and she is _so glad_ she went away with Jess just for this perspective alone.

He scoffs. "I can't believe you _left_ with him. After what he did?"

"That's _none_ of your business, it never _was_ any of your business."

"Seriously? Why, Rory? Why him?" he demands.

She shrugs her shoulders, shaking her head. "I told you, Dean. Over a year ago, when I was up on that tree by your room?"

"Then what the hell were you _doing_ before you left?"

"What was _I_ doing?" she starts, angry, before she closes her eyes for a second and takes a breath. "Fine. _I_ was on the precipice of making a monumental mistake, that's what I was doing. And what the hell were _you_ doing?" She looks away and starts walking again.

Dean drives alongside her. "We were on to something, Rory."

"Yeah, something _not good_. Don't you need to get home? It's late."

"Let me give you a ride."

"No, Dean."

"You're going to walk home with your heavy bag?"

"Yes, now _fuck off_ ," she says and she's proud at how it rolls off the tongue.

Dean brakes and she can hear the tires screech. "Ex _cuse_ me?"

"You heard me," she says cheerfully, continuing forward without glancing at him. "Fuck off. Fuck. Off. It's over, done, it's always _been_ done and I have officially closed that chapter for good and I have to say, I have never felt better. I'd go home, Dean, to your _wife_."

She looks at him with an expectant gaze and he's staring at her like she's a stranger. "Who _are_ you and what happened to the Rory I love?" he asks with puppy-dog eyes.

She smiles. "She grew up. Changed in a better version of herself that I like a lot more. Goodbye, Dean."

Dean purses his mouth and drives off.

She walks the rest of the way home with a skip to her step.

**

It's like the old days, sneaking into the hallway and taking the house phone to bring into her room, dialing his number.

"Guess who just said 'fuck' three times without stumbling," Rory says in lieu of a greeting.

" _I don't believe you_ ," he says and she can picture him smiling.

"Oh, believe it, mister. I'm a hardened soul. I'm going to be cursing like a sailor in no time."

" _Uh huh, and whom were you cursing at?_ "

She loves him a little more for his proper usage of 'whom.' "Oh, just a bike messenger who almost ran me over in New York," she answers, grinning. "I'll talk to you later, probably the day after tomorrow. I suspect serious mother-daughter bonding time is going to keep me busy."

" _Alright – love you_."

He sounds awkward saying the words, but she appreciates his trying. "Love you too."

She hangs up and looks forward to tomorrow.


End file.
